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Laverne Cox gets emotional as she opens up about coming to terms with her self-perception during her childhood after her grandmother passed away and having a close relationship with Christianity at the time
"When she died, I remember imagining that she was up in heaven and that she knew what I was thinking. When I was 11, puberty was triggering and traumatizing on so many levels. I started having sexual thoughts about boys. Everyone bullied me, calling me sissy, the F word, girl, queer. So I had been called those things, but it was really about my gender. It wasn't about me being very feminine.
I learned in church that having even a sinful thought, according to the Christianity I grew up in, meant you were going to hell. So I was having these thoughts while going through puberty and feeling attraction to boys. This was a sin. My grandmother was up in heaven, and she couldn’t know that I was thinking that. It was so much shame. I just kept thinking, “I can’t disappoint her. I can’t go to hell. This can’t be. This can’t be.” It was not acceptable. So I tried to k*ll myself."