casshole

a real life dumbass

[Kaye Foley @KayeFoley]

My toxic trait: Hmm, let me see if this food that normally hurts my stomach hurts my stomach TODAY.

[marina @maerrlin]

It’s 2022 who the FUCK is allergic to peanuts???? Grow up!!!!!!!

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@dayapeters @valeriaaleee what is this heartbreaking news

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@valeriaaleee Finally, you understand

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@MrPeanut Stay dead. I’m allergic to you

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@valeriaaleee How would you know? Yours are even. Or at least they should be. Unless you’ve been stealing my car. An interesting question to ask since it doesn’t pertain to you but ig that’s not my business

[casshole @CassieHogle]

some people think I’m funny

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@valeriaaleee Bet

[toxic king @toxicking]

Ima be pissed if my kids ain’t funny

[casshole @CassieHogle]

unhealthily obsessed with my bunny

[casshole @CassieHogle]

Dad: “What does Merrik drink?”
Me: “Natty Seltzer’s”
Dad: “He’s kind of a pussy eh?”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

to mark my return to twitter, I find nothing more thrilling than a thread of my dad’s random remarks…

[casshole @CassieHogle]

*dad is holding a pitchfork for who knows why*
Dad: “I could fight an elephant with this”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

Me: “honey bees don’t sting”
Dad: “if you listen real close they do. Zzz zzz”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

*dad’s crying from laughter during euchre*
Me: “Are you crying?”
Dad: “I’m dealing, not crying.”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

Me: “Are you allergic to bees?”
Dad: “No, but I’m allergic to pain.”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

Dad: “I got pockets in my intestines. What’s that called? Intestipockalitis?”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

Dad: “Human bean.”

[casshole @CassieHogle]

@valeriaaleee tell me I’m different 😤