Cat

Laughs like Elaine Benes. Says “fuck” a lot. Knows which is my water glass and bread.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

I hold my tongue and resist saying “Any idiot can be a mother or father.” way too often in this sort of situation.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

I’ve been on Instagram way too much lately. I spend way too much time yelling at my phone “We can still see you’re natural lip line sweetie! You’re not fooling anyone!”

[Cat @Cat20165020]

We’re currently at 5 and potentially going to 6. Great. Just great.

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

March: 😷
April: 😷👽
May: 😷👽🐝
June: 😷👽🐝 ????

[Cat @Cat20165020]

Back in my childhood (born in 1990!) we could trust that phrases like: “Vaccines are good!”, “The earth is round!”, “Nazis are bad!”, and “We should listen to doctors and scientists when they say something is serious!” would illicit a positive response from nearly everyone.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

Nazis are bad. Fascism is bad. A lot of people don’t seem to understand what either one of these two things are??? Fascism is not what is happening right now to fight a literal pandemic. You’re an idiot if you think otherwise.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

“Arbeit macht Frei” are literally the words above the gates in Nazi concentration camps. HOLY FUCK THIS PERSON IS USING THIS PHRASE TO PROTEST A PANDEMIC SHUT DOWN TO SAVE LIVES. Does anybody else comprehend how fucked up this is? Bueller? https://t.co/51SfKyDTUL

[Cat @Cat20165020]

It’s not a flourless recipe if it requires almond flour. If you don’t have any regular flour in the house why the fuck would you have another kind of flour just hanging around? I get that you could buy it but the implication is that you’re out of flour! https://t.co/dKIkDAKtW4

[Cat @Cat20165020]

@abbygov Yes. One specific one has also never been told that having a degree doesn’t mean you’re smart.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

The human approached the Sandhill crane. Must be a Northerner.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

Just witnessed a pair of Yorkies refusing to come because a Sandhill crane was nearby. Smart dogs.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

It’s #FirstContactDay? I’m losing track of time with the routine disruption business. Happy First Contact Day fellow Trekkies! 🖖🏻

[Cat @Cat20165020]

#SelfIsolation and not being able to visit the salon is going to have a lot of people realizing where their gray/white hair actually is. Mine is all at the top and front of my head. And it’s white. Stark white.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

@mikejason73 I #votedbymail for my first time voting in 2008. I was an exchange student with the Congress Bundestag Youth Exchange in Germany. It works.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

#Boomers have very weird home priorities...one of my neighbors has a giant ‘B’ painted on their chimney. I’m assuming their last name starts with a ‘b’? Also I live in #Florida so chimneys are weird in general here.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

@Lizz “Fuck.” -Floridians. But also the gif. We’re a weird bunch.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

Remember kids: joking about having #coronavirus/#COVID19 tomorrow for “April Fool’s Day” is an asshole move. People are dying. There is no vaccine currently. People are out of work and concerned about paying bills. It’s a #pandemic FFS.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

The day your 4-5 time a year migraine lines up with day 1 of your period. #fuck

[Cat @Cat20165020]

@Lizz No nightmares (I don’t tend to remember by dreams or nightmares) but my sleep is definitely disturbed. This sucks.

[Cat @Cat20165020]

I used to joke about needing a battle plan to conquer a theme park...now I need a battle plan to go to the grocery store. Buy only what you actually need everyone! Grocery stores are essential services! They won’t close! I don’t think you shit that much to be needing all the TP!

[Cat @Cat20165020]

@ananavarro @amazon The macaw is weird but the rooster and the frog look perfect for hiding in random places to confuse or scare people. Have some fun with it, you know?