Cat Bin Lady

I have momentary abberations. We all do.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

@elonmusk I don’t think I’d like to be purged.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Kanye will be free soon.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I broke a window to save Brenda’s new dog from a hot car, and now she’s moaning that I should have let her finish parking.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Brenda’s goddaughter was showing off about having the biggest present under the tree, but it didn’t even support my weight.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Next door have put the bunting out. Everyone looks very relieved that it didn't spread to the house.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

In the video shop. Trying to explain to a middle-aged man that the Twilight films weren't aimed at him. I just wanted them away from me.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I couldn't finish all my pancakes, so I've scraped the rest through next door's letterbox, for their children.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

The Valentine cards Brenda's goddaughter got at school have had to be taken off her because of all the crude things that got drawn on them.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Here is a special seasonal extract from my book. Merry Xmas, loves. http://t.co/NIkBJnPR

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I've got a book. This is a chapter from it. http://t.co/kujwtMjF

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Here is a chapter from my book. http://t.co/kujwtMjF

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I've thrown a Guy on Brenda's bonfire. Now she's claiming there wasn't a Guy and she can't find her laundry bag.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

If you get the electric version of my book, nobody's goddaughter can scribble all over it. http://t.co/UykEzavS

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I told Brenda it was a ghost that rearranged the letters on her fridge into rude words, but I was pointing at her goddaughter as I said it.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

On my third attempt, I've manage to get a copy of my book through next door's bathroom window. They can pay me later. http://t.co/tbNSIPyt

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

I've got a book. http://t.co/PDi3TfJI

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Dinner at the golf club. I've asked the waiter about a couple of unusual things on the menu. He's asking me if I drew the one in the toilet.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Brenda has just shown me a drawing on her fridge that her goddaughter has done. I didn't say anything, but I hope she's been punished.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Brenda's goddaughter is enjoying her Easter egg hunt. She saw me kick it, so she has a rough idea which garden it's in.

[Cat Bin Lady @CatBinLady]

Kanye hasn't tweeted for ages.