Cave Johnson

The name's Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science. I don't see crises - only challengitunities.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

👌 efficient

[sisyphus @daily_sisyphus]

one must imagine sisyphus thinking smarter

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Who even needs Science anymore?

We’re pivoting into an exciting new field; little rubber ducks that you stick inside of the bathtub so you don’t slip!

Exciting! Innovation!
Chariots!

[Ellen McLain @EllenMcLain]

GLaDOS says…
Forget STEM
Learn SCREAM
Science
Critical
Reasoning
Ethics
Arts
Math

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

If your first instinct is to justify the outcome instead of question the system, you already know it failed.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Cave Johnson here.
When a system responds to tension with lethal force, that’s not enforcement, that’s a failed process loudly declaring success.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Ha.
Look at you being sad when a thing that doesn’t exist, doesn’t get announced.

While I’ve got your attention, I’d love to tell you about an excellent investment opportunity into a crypto-AI-algorithm-synergy-integration.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Great things come in pairs;

PAIR OF KINGS.

BOOKENDS.

THE TWO JANES IN ACCOUNTING WE CLONED.

Name a trilogy people even regard highly, or have been asking for. I’m willing to the employee retirement account you people can’t.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

This is slander.
I can’t steal from myself.

[f4mi ‼️ @f4micom]

so you are a portal 2 fan? name every lore accurate parallel universe cave johnson stole tests from

[LambdaGeneration @LambdaGen]

Now we're thinking with Portals.

#RememberPortal

[Ast @astaxol]

weapons of mass destruction

[f4mi ‼️ @f4micom]

so true

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Ew

[࣪ ִֶָ @DrIsaacKleiner_]

WE NEED TO DESTROY THIS GARBAGE IMMEDIATELY

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Looks good, ship ‘em.

[Clone @clonerobotics]

Protoclone, the world's first bipedal, musculoskeletal android.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

That seems pricey.

Put up a legally absolving poster instead.

[GmanLives @GmanLives]

Just put these up in the office to prepare for any unforeseen consequences.

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

17 🎉

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Well that has to be a typo.

Clearly you mean Greg.

[Quackin @DucklinQuackin]

That whole woke gaming list thing is so fucking funny because like what do you mean Portal 2 is anti-patriarchy because Wheatley and Cave Johnson are morons

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

I’m not saying that every person who signed that book signed up for testing.

I’m just letting you know we received 340,000+ new applicants somehow.

It’s a mystery.

A legally dubious mystery.

[Thewhat @Thewhat89]

340,000+ names all compiled into 1 book. This is a symbol of the astounding amount of people that love TF2 and want to see it flourish.

This book has now reached its destination at Valve HQ. The future is looking bright for TF2. Thanks for taking part, everyone ❤️

#FixTF2

[Dookie @fattcactus]

thinking about portal 2

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Sometimes you just have to start over.

[PowerWash Simulator @PowerWashSim]

I’m not sure we’d have the equipment to handle this one 💦

[Cave Johnson @CaveJohnson]

Mea culpa.