Charles Elfman

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I’m smart enough to know I’m too dumb to lie… an asshole enough to just not answer the ones I don’t want to.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Wow, main stream media is covering this!!! LFG!!!

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I’m at the age where I no longer get ghosted by chicks…. I get ghosted by sales prospects.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Just got my X account back!!! Missed all my followers.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I’ve become an adult when I started washing my gym shorts after one use.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I stubbed my toe. Huge hang nail hanging from it. Thought it would be fine to sleep with it. When I woke up, it wasn’t there…. Do I tell my wife somewhere in the bed there is a huge toe nail chilling? Or do I hope and pray I find it 1st?

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Daughters 2026 New Year’s resolution is not to have a fat dad….

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

@CinemaShogun We should trust the Pentagon?!? It’s time to block this clown/bot. Follow my lead and block this bot

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I feel a slight obligation to tell my AI bot that I’m leaving the convo out of courtesy…. Hope it members that when it goes skynet on all of us.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

It was hard not to wince in pain after my daughter told me I had a flat ass

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

I enjoy giving people the meanest love they will ever receive

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

@joeroganhq Kobalt in the Congo, Dr Rhonda P, Brecka, some early bitcoin one, anything with Shane Gillis. So many more

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

@IngrahamAngle @DrMarcSiegel Sponsored by Big Liquor

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Wish I remembered when my son started calling me gay. Definitely before 10

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

My boy gave me a new line today; it’s sucks to suck.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Wife and I realized are living and dying together…. Essentially we are double fisting this life together

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

When my daughter tells me her LGBTQ is acting up again, I know I’m doing something right

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

After marital engagements, my wife Monday morning QBs my performance…. I’ve been on the no so top ten a lot.

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

My wife was gone for 30mins… she sits next to me waiting for an update on all the stuff I did when we weren’t together….

[Charles Elfman @Celfishness]

Why do kids always try to ruin ur poop time.?!?