female, 26

hey, it’s kels. no, i didn’t fall off the earth.

[austin @jesuissupreme]

I think Jack Schlossberg attempted to unlock his ancestral memories like the Kwizatz Haderach and now Little Edie is using him like a meat puppet

[Lady Gaga @ladygaga]

THE SHOW MUST GO ON

[𝖙𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖓𝖟 🩸 @treeeenzz]

kelly performing shoes in 2024 might be the best moment of my life i fear

[guy @guymrdth]

when baron harkonnen kissed his nephew on the lips I thought ok I guess that’s what these guys do but when austin butler leaned in for another go I started to get a little suspicious

[🂱 @laylology]

imagine if carrie bradshaw learned the word "situationship"

[⋆ ✧ a powerful woman. ✧ ⋆ @hauteblood]

this barbie is in her healing era

[Talia Lichtstein @talialichtstein]

Nice so when are auditions for the role of the student who makes out with coach carr in the projection room

[Bradford Pearson @BradfordPearson]

every flight this week from Philly to Phoenix

[CogginToboggan @CogginToboggan]

Astros: “We were caught off guard by the atmosphere at Citizens Bank Park last night. We’re ready for whatever Philadelphia fans bring tonight.”

Philadelphia Phillies fans who have been drinking since 10 a.m.:

[Max M. Marin @MaxMMarin]

Philly basically has a Crisco line item in the annual budget to grease the streetlights when the teams win big, but big government is no match for this guy at Broad & Locust who just casually catches a Twisted Tea from 15 feet up like he was born for this (vid via a source)

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

I think the scariest alien scenario ever would be if they came to earth, didn’t talk to humans, communicated with something in the ocean for a few days and then just left

[Rachel McCartney @RachelMComedy]

I love when I try to unlock my iPhone in the morning and it's like "ummmmm we actually don't know a puffy bitch with one eye shut"

[female, 26 @cheese_louise_]

what even is dating

[chunky fila @chunkyfila]

women just want a $7 coffee and a little kiss on the forehead

[HummusVacuum @HummusVacuum999]

no fuckin’ way

[Roy Graham @Grayhaem]

Mankind wasn’t meant to work in December. We were meant to hide from wolves, drink, and pray our autumn harvest will last us through the Dark Months