Jeremy!

I'm a chef (if you couldn't tell by the name), a gamer, a gadget freak... until recently an aspiring political speechwriter.

[COMMON @common]

Even in 2018, voter suppression is real. If you think your vote didn't matter, why would they go through all this trouble to suppress it?

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

Gonna play myself some pinball!

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

OH SHIT MY FACEBOOK JUST GOT FLAGGED FOR SPAMMING PHOTOS OF TRACY MORGAN

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

One of my employees just told me " I need a break so I can go roll up in the fecal position." No joke

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@JaredRussell that's why you should just steal cards for her. Shows both that you love her and you actively break societal norms. And laws.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

One of my favorite things to do is to go on dating sites, find people I know, and quote their profiles the next time I see them in person.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@RandHall sent.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

The worst thing about my life isn't that I don't know what I'm doing with it, it's that I'm not even trying to figure it out.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

The road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.

~Ernest Hemingway

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

A homeless woman asked me for Haagen-das. I handed her some foreign change.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

Apple crisp on a fall day is an impossible taste to beat http://t.co/l96wxb7L

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@j_npltno you're fired! #ohshitson

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

Out watching Harry potter at the drive in with @jcitorik! http://t.co/cjHoKMa

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@keanerie HUURRRR EUROPE HAD IT SO IT MUST BE GREAT!

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@keanerie spend $8 to find out what the real deal is. Then sit back and smugly think of those who weren't invited while streaming tunes.

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

In a bathroom. Black kids shoving other black kids in, shouting "you a prisoner now. You a slave."

[Esquire @esquire]

"Never sleep with anyone who has more trouble or less money than you have." —David Brown: http://ow.ly/5m0w1 #relationshipkillers

[Neil Gaiman @neilhimself]

I quite like the idea of a choir of weeping angels. They wouldn't sing as long as you're looking at them. But when you blink...

[Jeremy! @ChefJ]

@sailorjerry pounding a "shave & a haircut" with our new friend Dana dynamite at game on!!

[Not Bill Walton @NotBillWalton]

A Bruins victory tonight will send their excited fans to the local pubs to get drunk. Or as it's called in Boston: another Wednesday night.