Akajiaku

I don’t believe there’s anything I cannot do|| Writer||Satire

[Harley knows you are lonely and so she @miss_ezeani]

Now which of you went to buy “something” from my mum this early Sunday morning??

My woman dey crash out, and you’ve now roped me into your iniquity!!😭

For the purpose of this unfold, you’ll need to know that the word “ese” from Igbo could mean three different things in English, depending on the context it’s used. What’s more? It’s spelt and pronounced the same way, only context would give you the meaning.

Ese - to draw
Ese - to drag
Ese - to smoke

Akwukwo eji ese ife - Paper used for drawing
Akwukwo eji ese ife - Paper used for smoking
Akwukwo eji ese ife - Paper used for dragging (but unlike the other two, this is not a thing)

Mum: Hello Chi, somebody came to buy “akwukwo eji ese ife”, and I wanted to ask you to be sure I wasn’t tripping, but I’ve forgotten the name.

Me: Cardboard? Canvas?

Mum: No nau! Akwukwo eji ese ife!

Me: Oh!!! Rizzler!!

Mum: Yes! That’s the one.

Me: Yeah, rizzler, that’s the paper.

Mum: 🌚

Me: 🌝

My mum and I: 👇🏾👇🏾

[ThatPortharcourtBoy aka Uncle Lyne @ThatPHCBoy]

nigerians this can be us in january, they cannot rig at scale, in all states if we all come out. they know this, that's why they are sowing divisin among us. please and please, let's send these demons back to the pit of hell where they came from

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

The only upside to this Akwaibom posting is the unhealthy amount of Afang I’d be eating

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@SexismSlayer Please update us oooo

[JJ @Jomilojju]

Comparing risks is fair, and you found numbers. The problem is that you counted the deaths but not how many times people sleep or give birth.

Almost everyone sleeps every day. Only some women give birth, and usually only a few times in their lives. If 8 billion people sleep once a day, that is about 3 trillion sleeps a year. Even if 16.4 million people die in their sleep each year, the highest number you gave, that is about 1 death in every 180,000 sleeps. In Nigeria, it is about 1 death in every 100 births. Across the whole world, it is about 1 in every 500. So applied generally, as you asked, a birth is still far riskier than a night's sleep.

Second, those people died while they were asleep. Your own source says heart attacks and strokes are mostly what killed them. If where or when you die made something a killer, beds would be killers too. When a woman dies from pregnancy, the pregnancy or the birth is part of what kills her.

Third, the phrase is about how high the risk is. A risk can be far too high even when most women survive, and 1 in 100 per birth is. Nearly three in ten of all the women who die from pregnancy worldwide die in Nigeria.

IF YOU CAN FIND AN OFFICIAL FIGURE FOR HOW MANY NIGERIANS DIE IN THEIR SLEEP, POST IT & WE CAN COMPARE PROPERLY.

Fair question, though. It just needs the right comparison.

Thank you!

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

If you recommend a movie/series to me, best believe that I’ll call you to crash out as the need arises throughout the duration of me watching it.

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

I hate it so much

You made me angry and you’re asking me to talk to you in soft tones because I’m a woman and you’re a man

I’m frustrated with your erratic juvenile behavior you man child, you’re making my life a bit harder and I should supiri for you
Mtcheww

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@emraslnn I thought it was the same person with a different hairstyle 😭

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@Benking443 She begin malfunction 😹😹😹😭😭😭

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@Chime_Fave Nokia—Motorola—Fero—Gionee—oppo—redmi—apple

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

“They supposed do dorime for the sh*t wey I just sh*t”

Words I didn’t think would ever be put together by a philosophical woman
Ever

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@auntyoma_ Ma have you bought drinks?

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

Person wey dey always hold me for neck If I off Snapchat streak don quench fire because I ask am for my money 🙂

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@chudy_jnr I retweeted until I got to the end

Sleep with only your husband/wife

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

I consulted for two men yesterday that have their weddings in Nov, I love to help curate drinks selections according to preferences and budget
But village peoples list shaa
the two of them were lamenting ehh—one even dey vex anytime his friends mentioned it
Men are trying

[OTOME💪 @TomeofTomeKoko]

Na this video Dey make una convulse????

Okpetu!!!!!!! Na why una no dey fit control una Jayden & Eliana for public. Lol. When una born pikin, make una train am the way una like 🤭

Like, this the video? Akpor ki cinema😂😂😂

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

@emekanu Uncle Emeka!!!!!!😱

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

Watching a TikTok and I hear surround sound of someone screaming indescribable sounds with a sprinkle of “come back”
I paid no attention and it went on for a while
Tell me why I raised my head and met a cow staring at me head on
Like it entered the compound
Je ho va!!

[Akajiaku @Cheisy_girl]

Una no go kill me😹😹😹😹😹