john at the bar

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

Dad: I call my wang Mozart..
Me: Why?
Dad: Because it's a pianis..#dadjokes

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

Priest: *offers blood of Christ*
Me: no thanks I brought my own #midnightmass

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

@SethMacFarlane Charlie Sheen allegedly affected 16 women w/ HIV, & 2 and a Half men..
#tweetedinfrontofliveostritge

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

Just found out Hellen Keller was deaf AND blind #speechless

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

VIDEO: A Portland State player fakes an end-of-game handshakes, steals it and dunks instead http://t.co/ao8SeioqIZ

[Ryan Legere @ryanjoe4]

After this weekend I'm going to need a lawyer or a priest... Or both #NoRagrets

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

It's not a team without T-shirts

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

@ChadHarveyy @ryanjoe4 i believe this is killing me

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

@ChadHarveyy I'll get you your drinks for free

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

How do I apply for the job of throwing apples at people who can't decide what to get at the bar?

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

RIP Etta James

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

@Jake_Berube all of them

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

I'm strongly considering bringing back the fubu track suit.

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

Inspirational tweet of the day:
"If you ain't first, you're last."

[Pi Kappa Alpha @UMainePIKE]

😏

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

@ChadHarveyy http://t.co/oUZfsew4x0

[john at the bar @ChicoineElliot]

Am I the only one that laughs at ASPCA commercials? .. Probably, I'm an asshole. Fuck you Sarah McLaughlin. I don't need that guilt