Gary

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

I was at urgent care with an infected cut when a kid walked in holding his arm at a weird angle.

His dad was right behind him looking pale.

Receptionist: What happened?

Dad: He broke his arm.

Kid: I didn't break it.

Dad: Your arm is literally bent wrong.

Kid: It's fine.

Receptionist: How did this happen?

Dad: He jumped off the roof.

Me: (looked up)

Receptionist: Your roof?

Dad: Our roof. Two stories.

Kid: I had an umbrella.

Everyone in the waiting room went quiet.

Receptionist: You had an umbrella.

Kid: Like a parachute.

Dad: He watched Mary Poppins yesterday.

Kid: It works in the movie.

Dad: YOU'RE NOT MARY POPPINS.

The kid seemed genuinely confused about why the umbrella didn't work. Like he'd done the math and couldn't figure out what went wrong.

Receptionist: Okay, let's get you back.

They called him in pretty fast. The dad sat down next to me and put his head in his hands.

Dad: I was mowing the lawn.

Me: You didn't see him climb up?

Dad: I saw him on the roof. I yelled at him to stay put while I got the ladder.

Me: And?

Dad: He said okay.

Me: But?

Dad: Apparently okay meant he'd wait until I was getting the ladder from the garage.

Me: Then he jumped.

Dad: With my wife's good umbrella. Which is also broken now.

Me: That's what you're worried about?

Dad: You haven't met my wife.

A nurse came out twenty minutes later.

Nurse: Dad?

He went back. I heard the kid explaining to someone that penguins can't fly because they don't have umbrellas.

They came out an hour later. Kid had a blue cast and was eating a popsicle.

Kid: They gave me drugs.

Dad: Please don't say it like that.

Kid: I'm high as a kite.

Dad: (to the nurse) Is he supposed to be this honest?

Nurse: It'll wear off.

As they left, the kid stopped and looked at me.

Kid: Don't try the umbrella thing.

Me: Wasn't planning on it.

Kid: Everyone says that.

Dad: Let's go.

Kid: I'm gonna try a bigger umbrella next time.

Dad: There's not gonna be a next time.

Kid: That's what you said about the trampoline.

The dad looked at me.

Dad: We don't have a trampoline anymore.

They left.

The receptionist looked over at me.

Receptionist: Some kids just wake up and choose chaos.

Me: Think he'll actually try again?

Receptionist: Oh absolutely.

I got my cut cleaned and left.

Saw them in the parking lot. The kid was trying to open the car door with his casted arm while explaining something about eagles.

That dad deserves an award.

[Collin Rugg @CollinRugg]

A Texas man is taking World Cup tourists four-wheeling, dancing, horseback riding, and shopping at Buc-ee's to give them the best American experience.

Drew Haas of Texas is taking tourists to his 30-acre property to help them make the most of their travels.

"We love this lifestyle. We enjoy every second of it. We just wanna, like, soak it in," one tourist said.

Amazing.

[Larry Dallas @BartFurley]

If you watched CTV Calgary this morning you have seen what The Calgary Chamber Of Commerce has said about separation.

Half of all businesses would LEAVE Alberta.

They call it insanity to be even discussing leaving Canada.

Danielle Smith in a now a confirmed lunatic.

[Jill Tucker @jilltucker]

If you ever doubt how magical this world is, one day you will decide to go to a World Cup watch party in Oakland that you found online to root for a country where you spent two years trying to coax English out of the mouths of Cape Verdean teenagers. 1/7

[Danny Noonan @DannyNoonanGolf]

Use this alignment stick. It should help your swing path stay inside.

Me:

[Gary @Chinook41]

@jonassiegel Yes, they should trade him to Buffalo.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@EricEngels Bad things usually happen when you get outshot 16 - 5.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@worldhockeyrpt He still needs to complete his diving 101 class to fit in with Montreal.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@KeeganMatheson That was so bad it looked like my golf swing.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@Matt_Bove Paul Hamilton told me he was over matched. I'm beginning to question his expert analysis.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@TheChargingBUF Get rid the boat anchor Tuch as well, saves us money. His contract in 2 years will look awful.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@grantmccagg Oh look, a Montreal fan crying about the refs, even after being given 7 power plays and taking away a legit goal , you fuckers have no shame.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@ShiDavidi At least Vladdy is happy with his huge 10th inning sacrifice fly to avoid an 0 - 5 night at the plate.

[Gary @Chinook41]

@PuckReportNHL Sounds like he falls to a late first rounder, right about where Buffalo picks.

[Football Fights @Footballfights]

One of the greatest interviews ever... 🤣🇦🇺

[Washingtons ghost @washghost1]

Every dad has or will feel this

[Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan]

Holy shit guys

[Braden Taylor @BradenTaylorTV]

Full footage of trainer Cherie DeVaux watching Golden Tempo win the Kentucky Derby!

DeVaux is the first female trainer to ever win the Kentucky derby.

[T.J. Walker @TJWalkerRadio]

This is the drunkest interview of all time. @John_Fanta @peacock

[Andrew Meyer @AndrewEdits]

Someone needs to print this and put it on a shirt (I will buy it)