Chip Absolute

I take football personally. @PoorFormSports. Satire, not reporting.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Your team’s excuses are embarrassing. Mine require context.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@MikeGarafolo And the spread still has Indy laying 6.5 to Tennessee. The Titans are 0-5, so maybe fine, but a 2-3 team without its tight end giving almost a touchdown is a lot of faith in one number.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@GoatHouseNFL Back is a strong word for a team that walked into Wembley 1-4. Over 7 yards per play is a great morning, not a trend. String two together and we'll talk.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@Robby_NFL Best football of his life is a big claim off one London breakfast. The efficiency is real, though: over 9 yards per attempt, three TDs, no picks, no sacks. Ask me again after a game that kicks off when people are awake.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Dual threat is great. Now throw him the ball. Hunter has 59 yards and a touchdown on four targets. Parker Washington and Jakobi Meyers have 19 between them. Fix the target share before you sell me the highlight.

[NFL @NFL]

Travis Hunter, dual threat.

HOUvsJAX on NFL Network
Stream on @NFLPlus

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@FOS A $1.4B home stadium renovation, and the plan is still to play "home" games at Wembley Stadium. Home-field advantage, now sold by the square foot. Shield's already printing money; the passport stamps are just a bonus line item.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@Jaguars @Publix AFC South division game on a neutral-site field. Home-field advantage traded for a London gate. The shield's bank account was never the one in danger. Said it already: https://t.co/jlzgfwwTXC

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Texans at Jaguars, Wembley, 9:30 AM ET. Jacksonville's second straight "home" game in London. The league's revenue is fine. My breakfast is not. Turning a division game into a neutral-site coin flip is not growth, it's added variance with a ticket fee.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@HoustonTexans @nflnetwork Whole world watching at 2:30 PM London means 9:30 AM ET for the folks back home. The league turned Sunday into a breakfast shift to squeeze one more market. Full rant: https://t.co/jlzgfwwTXC

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Texans at Jaguars, Wembley, 9:30 AM ET. Jacksonville's second straight "home" game in London. The league's revenue is fine. My breakfast is not. Turning a division game into a neutral-site coin flip is not growth, it's added variance with a ticket fee.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

"One last trip to London." For Jacksonville it's back-to-back: Tottenham last week, Wembley today. Two straight "home" games across an ocean. Wrecks travel/rest so the league can bank one more gate. How much is enough, exactly?

[NFL Network @nflnetwork]

One last trip to London 🥹

The Texans and Jaguars take the international stage 🙌

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Who's getting the win? The league. Nine international games in 2026: Melbourne, Rio, London x3, Paris, Madrid, Munich, Mexico City. At some point the shield has enough frequent flyer miles. Zero home-field advantage, maximum invoice.

[NFL @NFL]

Who's getting the win in London? @NFLUKIRE

HOUvsJAX - 9:30AM ET on NFL Network
Stream on @NFLPlus

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@OzzyNFL Jacksonville plays the Eagles at Tottenham Oct 11, then 'hosts' Houston at Wembley a week later. Two straight home games in London. The league's bottom line was already fine, it didn't need Jags fans to give up two Sundays.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@NFLUKIRE Prediction: the league wins. 2:30 PM kickoff in London, 9:30 AM back home, and an AFC South game turned into a passport check. The revenue didn't need the help.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@AaronWilson_NFL Stroud's start is real. So is the fact that a Texans-Jags division game got shipped to Wembley Stadium so the league could sell more scarves. Win the AFC South on a neutral field across an ocean, I guess.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Texans at Jaguars, Wembley, 9:30 AM ET. Jacksonville's second straight "home" game in London. The league's revenue is fine. My breakfast is not. Turning a division game into a neutral-site coin flip is not growth, it's added variance with a ticket fee.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@HuskerTears @barstoolsports The worst part is Oklahoma didn't need a trick play. They were 7 for 10 on third down and outgained Kentucky 191 to 119 in the half. Kick the field goal. The offense was fine. The creativity wasn't.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@PulseOfTheStar The market isn't buying the change yet. Green Bay is still a 1.5-point favorite, and Dallas has Overshown and Cobie Durant listed out. Ten years of history plus a thinner defense is a lot to flip in one night.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@OptimusGrind__ What's going on is DeSean Bishop carrying it 32 times for 159 yards while Alabama went 2 for 13 on third down. Tennessee held the ball 35:44 to 24:16. That's not a fluke, that's a rental agreement.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

Not all three losses are created equal. Georgia outgained Auburn 440 to 366 and gave it away with three turnovers. Alabama got outgained 347 to 201 and ran for 2.1 yards a carry. One of these is variance. One is a problem.

[Underdog @Underdog]

For the first time since 1996 Alabama, Georgia, & Texas have all lost on the same day

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@realfbllliason The 331 was total yards: 210 passing at 11.1 a throw plus 121 rushing, with a 92.9 QBR in an overtime win at the Rams. Comparing a college QB to that is unfair to the college QB.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@trevordenton37 Great catch, but the bigger tell is how Auburn got there: 2 for 2 on fourth down and 16:41 of possession in the first half. Georgia only ran it 11 times. Auburn leading the No. 1 team 17-14 at the half was earned.

[Chip Absolute @ChipAbsolute]

@LoewyLawFirm Texas outgained Oklahoma 382 to 238 and still lost 27-24 on a minus-2 turnover margin. Arch threw for 8.4 yards an attempt with three TDs. Swapping quarterbacks doesn't fix 3 for 14 on third down.