El Cunyado

[Will Hester @Will_Hesterr]

Spurs teasing a generational relegation before going around signing everyone’s best players

[El Cunyado @Chitownkap]

@thegreasyfoodie Over my dead body

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In America, a warehouse store. A fully roasted chicken costs five dollars, the raw chicken beside it costs seven, and I stood between them like a man between two truths.

Golden. Hot. Seasoned. Spinning in glory under the lights, in a line of its brothers. Four dollars and ninety-nine cents.

I checked the raw birds. Seven dollars. Pale. Cold. You must do everything yourself.

This is not commerce. Commerce does not move backward. Somewhere in this building, mathematics lies defeated.

I asked the man at the counter. "How is the cooked bird cheaper than the raw bird?"

"Been five bucks forever. They keep it that way."

"But the store loses."

"Yep. On purpose."

On purpose. I held my receipt with both hands.

In my land, a lord who lowered the price of rice in a hard winter was remembered for generations. They built him a small shrine. This store does it every day, with chicken, and tells no one.

A woman behind me grew tired of my reverence. "It's just a chicken, sir."

It is not just a chicken. It is a wound the merchant takes on purpose, so that anyone, on any day, with five dollars, eats like a lord. The bird is the message. The price is the vow.

I will confess: I bought two. I did not need two. The second was not hunger. It was gratitude, and it was delicious.

Some prices are not prices. They are promises.

I return every week now. I take one bird. I bow toward the deli, briefly, so as not to alarm the staff. They have begun nodding back.

The vow holds. The bird turns. Five dollars.

Long may it spin.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Adam Friedland @AdamFriedland]

.@HunterBiden I’m a talk show host in New York City. I’d love to hear your story.

[Dusk @DuskNixx]

@HunterBiden @AdamFriedland What if Hunter Biden was a Cumtown fan this entire time…

[Fractal @Frac_Sauce]

@HunterBiden @AdamFriedland What’s your favorite Nick Mullen bit?

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@AdamFriedland I know who you are Adam- duh! Of course I’ll do your show. I love your show- but I definitely won’t be able to top the Chet episode.

[Michael Magaletta @mikemagz07]

Do you guys think Dianna Russini’s family is celebrating her today?

😬

[BobbyFunko @FunkoBobby]

@nypost At least we can confirm that @PFTCommenter wasn’t at the scene.

[El Cunyado @Chitownkap]

@kryptonitelock fantastic to come back to my bike yesterday during the day on a busy street to find this. Anything that you can do about this?

[lavitalenta @lavitalenta]

You guessed it folks, it’s the personification of Death from the 1957 Swedish thriller “Seventh Seal”

[UcKema - Nixons Strongest Contra Inflation Soilder @uckema]

We owe an apology to George Lucas the blockade of trade routes from a small gas rich state by a state with a robotic army is a huge thing now

[SMB Attorney @SMB_Attorney]

With a week to reflect, I’m convinced this was the greatest moment in sports history.

A 2-star recruit leads the worst program ever to a national championship, beats his hometown team that wouldn’t let him walk on, and finishes it by running over the same guy who knocked him out the year before, with his mother battling MS watching from the stands.

If it was a Disney movie, you’d say it was too much.

[🅱️urt Cignetti @hoosiercommish]

This is the most accurate encapsulation of what Indiana fans have gone through to get the mountaintop, all boiled down into 4 minutes. I am crying.

If hoosiers_edits from TikTok is on here, take a bow. 🥲🥲

[Geoff Schwartz @geoffschwartz]

While recording @BearBetsPod today our Miami expert @chrisfallica mentioned he believed the punt Toney fielded near the 5 yard line was a trick play that never materialized. Bear is correct. Look at this thing. Miami would have scored if the punt wasn’t so good.

[Tom Fornelli @TomFornelli]

This is not a complaint: This officiating crew is a snap or two away from rolling pipes onto the field and telling them to settle it like men.

[Tom Fornelli @TomFornelli]

So close!