Funny Tweets

Providing your daily dose of hilariously entertaining, witty tweets Funny Tweets I support my followers.
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[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

i have 2 moods: yes no

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

the difference between girl friend and girlfriend is that little tiny space they call the friend zone

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

HUMAN BRAIN: Forgets what we want to remember & remembers what we want to forget.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

i have one or two passwords for everything if you figured them out you could probably take over my life

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

Baby, you must be made of fluorine, iodine and neon, cause you're FINe.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

going to school: late going to a doctors appointment: late going to a party: late going to a concert: 8 hours early

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

*lays down to take a nap* *wakes up 8 hours later pissed off and confused*

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

My biggest problem is that: I give people chance. After chance.. After chance.. After chance.. After chance.. After chance..

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

who else has taken 2+ years of a foreign language and still has no clue how to speak it?

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

When I'm quiet: 1) Tired. 2) Don't have anything to talk about. 3) Over-thinking. 4) Upset. 5) Falling apart. 6) All of the above.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

You haven't experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I hate it when my parents tell other relatives my mistakes.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I only wanna be hot so I can be rude and antisocial and mysterious and get away with it

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

Mom: Wake up. Me: *Maybe if I pretend I'm dead she'll go away*

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

That awkward moment when you get out of the shower and you dont have a towel.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I wish I had speakers built inside my shower

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said.

[Funny Tweets @Chlamydibrah]

Person: Oh my god! Did you just fall?! Me: No, The floor looked lonely, So I kissed it.