dinkel

my tweets are ~certified~ “not as funny as I think they are"

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

deep-frying a whole chicken butt ass naked just to feel something

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

Public transportation is cool because I can get to my doctor appointment cheaply and efficiently.

drawbacks include, but are not limited to, watching a man scoop peanut butter into his mouth w a thick sharpie pen and then wipe the excess onto the seat

[El J-Ry @jarrettryon]

The world needs to see this

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

“dude those white claws man... they’re hydrating I swear”

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

I was in a sauna today and this group of middle age men were talking about their ago, so I asked them genuinely how old they thought I was.

Fam said 28 years old.
I am 20 pushing 30. I am 20 and aging horribly.

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

being able to down 3 shots of espresso and then effortlessly take a fat nap soon after is a level of power over my body that I don’t deserve

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

do you ever dabble in embroidery and then find yourself explaining to your mom what “nut” means ??

me neither that’d be a weird thing hahahah

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

fmu w those cumulus clouds

[James @CaucasianJames]

put me in the friend zone i’ll dougie out of it

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

you're telling me Rihanna fried these beans

[Rich Brian @richbrian]

just barked at a fuckin dog nobody can stop me who wants to go on a date

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

Driving in LA has taught me one thing: if you put on your hazards, you can suddenly do anything you want

[jen merritt!!! @jennifermerr]

trader joe’s shopping list:
- one pound of brie
- enough crackers to eat one pound of brie in a single sitting

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

yes, I am having neck problems.
no, I will not get out of bed to scroll through twitter

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

everyone has limitations on their abilities. it’s perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

most of us will never play in the NBA.

I will never be able to drive a stick-shift car

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

me at 5pm on a tuesday afternoon: wow I have been awake for 3 hours today and haven’t done anything ...

also me: nap time!!!

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

@cowboyenergy you’ve got a nice hat

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

@mandaaa_bear update: this is also, apparently, a crisis for my mother, who has taken the liberty to print out ~31 recipes (and counting)

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

as I move out of the dorms and into my first apartment, I have come to realization that I will have to cook nearly every meal for myself for the rest of my life
this has led me to binge watch cooking shows for the past 9 hours

bouta go whip up some pad thai in this bih at 3:05am

[dinkel @ChrisDinkel]

@ConanOBrien I am 20 years old and have no children. happy father’s day to me