Major Collywobbles

America's best kept secret since 1849

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

You think it’s hard being single on Valentine’s Day? Try being single every day

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Nihilism is meaningless

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Tryina make an "All Our Exes Live in Texas" cover band called "All Our Hexes Live in Exes"

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

It's 2016 and my dad is still pronouncing it Chi-pol-tee

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't put the horse before the horse's mouth.

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Upset because I've been using "elated" in the wrong context this entire time

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Can I get a hoo ha two times tuesday

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Person shares click bait video on facebook. What happens next will make you want to shoot yourself in the mouth.

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Dry up Dursley you great prune

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

I quote Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone more than Mean Girls

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Just listened to Blank Space for the first time

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

When I grow up I want to be an iconic genius so that all the wise things other people say will be attributed to me

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

I don't trust milk that has 11 grams of sugar instead of 12

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

I maintain just enough insanity to stay sane

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

This is love

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says 'rejoice with me, I have found my lost sock.'

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his foot and goes home.

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

Suppose one of you has a hundred socks and loses one of them. Doesn't he leave the ninety-nine and go after the lost sock until he finds it?

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

I found my favorite sock. I believe in miracles again. #overjoyed

[Major Collywobbles @ChrisGravatt]

I lost one of my favorite socks. I am fiercely opposed to this on a spiritual level.