Chris

Some refer to me as: the ONLY tool in the box. I say a lot of hilarious shiz, quote Alan Partridge, remind everyone of when Christmas is, and have an iPhone

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

That’s a reasonable question to ask - not to ask me, but to ask someone.

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

I don’t do micro aggressions. Dick. (no offence)

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

People who have a swimming pool are just nicer

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

If you buy the KitKats I will take each one of those highly delicious bullets on your behalf

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

No, what you said wasn’t racist. I mean you are racist, but not for that reason.

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

Ever got 15 account managers from NatWest to do the Adam Ant “Prince Charming” dance in an All Bar One? I have #alanpartridge #fromtheoasthouse

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

One internet date, she turned away so many times when I tried to kiss her, it was like trying to snog an owl #fromtheoasthouse #alanpartridge

[Simon Brodkin @SimonBrodkin]

Notting Hill Dad deals with daughter's A-level results

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

You’ve modelled your career almost exactly on mine.. not as successfully obviously..

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

@DylsterGrizzy It is fairly normal to be proud of not being good at maths. doesn’t actually help though :-)

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

One thing I learned from my time with Gwart was the importance of listening #siliconvalleyfinale

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

A bit more choke and that would have started. A bit gassy today.

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

If you’re going to use me as the bar for humans you might as well throw everyone else in the bin - they can try but they can’t match up

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

Wait until I’ve said what I’m going to say before you decide not to take offence.. no offence Lynn, but your life is technically not worth insuring #alanpartridge

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

If you have finally given in and installed BBC sounds here’s a “must listen” vintage Partridge interview https://t.co/Nqimw9mYyz

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

I came down from above to be benificent. Yes, I lift up the vocabulary of those around me due to my benificence .

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

As it’s only 26 days to go - you’re free to listen to Christmas Gachi: ♂ Gachi Bublé - It's Begining To Look A Lot Like Fisting ♂ https://t.co/Nw3cRR2k8d via @YouTube

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

I like assumptions-based testing. I just assume that my code works great.

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

Yes, I do have one fundamental question: what does any of what you just said mean?

[Chris @ChrisWittering]

I don’t know how I missed the bathrooms off the architectural diagram. I often use one of those.. sit on the ..thing.. and shoot one out. #TheGoodPlace