Christian Greenall

Manchester based Cyber Security consultant. Apparently the Internet is full of bad people, who knew....

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@WorldFamousHot1 @petefowlerart Ordered, will be sat with my easter bonnet on waiting for the postman!

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Mark Hayes @northernpromise]

Please, please, please share 🙏

We are now on 7 days missing & despite huge attempts to search by a simply unbelievable community, Darren has still not been found.

Your share within the North West community could be absolutely vital 💙

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@mrgarethbrooks Sad times G but onwards and upwards!

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

Sad times! @WorldFamousHot1

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

I remember when a computer didn't automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@mrgarethbrooks mate... Wtf, only just seen. Fuck the machine, long live the music!

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@WorldFamousHot1 Nice! Will pop down Saturday.

[Andy Burnham @andyburnham]

The Voter ID policy is designed to stop young people voting.👇🏻

Don’t let them win!

To vote in May, sign up here for free ID before 24/4.

https://t.co/ezf0RDvzoa

You will then be set up for the General Election whenever it comes. 👍🏻

[Arian van Putten @ProgrammerDude]

cat is the most misused thing by programmers new to linux. I cringe every time someone uses it wrong in a bash script. Thread below with proper uses of cat only

[MrBeast @MrBeast]

I’m gonna give 10 random people that repost this and follow me $25,000 for fun (the $250,000 my X video made)

I’ll pick the winners in 72 hours

[NBC News @NBCNews]

Twitter, now called X, violated contracts by failing to pay millions of dollars in bonuses that it had promised its employees before and after Elon Musk purchased the company, a federal judge rules. https://t.co/hEToOI6900

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@fesshole This is unbelievably accurate..

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Turns out that going in to a career in I.T after watching the 1995 film hackers was a mistake. Less edgy underground Angelina Jolie cyberpunks and more middle aged fat balding men saying 'Fucks sake' 10 times an hour, myself included. We don't even get a cool den to hang out in.

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@WorldFamousHot1 Been thinking the same, just looks like fancy stick ball to me.

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@ellieq Proper chuckling to myself at that one..

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@ellieq Oh nice. Obv coco bongos it's worth a visit if you've not been before

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@ellieq Am at the Planet Hollywood, you?

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@ellieq There are herds of em ere 😂

[Christian Greenall @Chris_Greenall]

@ellieq Well if your hotel is anything like mine you'll be spoilt for choice in the yank front..