Chris Shaw

Forty something years old. Avid Saints fan 🔴⚪️

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

#NewProfilePic

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

#Netflix need to make this happen. Would be #JakePauls toughest fight to date

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

#Netflix buffering more than #PornHub

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

As the weather is getting colder, make sure to ask your #Evri delivery driver if he'd like a hot drink. When he says yes, drop kick it over a fence into your neighbour's garden and tell him you've left it in a designated safe space

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

I've been watching this fascinating TV programme all about how certain types of beasts carefully select and hunt down their prey

It's called #SongsOfPraise

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

I’ve just phoned the incontinence hotline

They asked me to hold!

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Job Vacancy;

Archbishop of Canterbury.

Qualifications;

Must have a history of being a nonce

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots.

Other days, I realise it's not just some days...

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Just wasted two hours of my life watching #Smile2

I’ll never get them back

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Do you ever go out, and while you're out, you think...

This is exactly why I don't go out?

🤔

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday

They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the bum crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub...

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

#KeirStarmer before he came into power

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

So glad I got pissed last night. Truly awful performance that. Never seen them play that bad in all my life. Wigan put 50 past us next week

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Just gone to get a can out of the fridge, and the England/Slovakia referee jumped out and booked me for drinking on a school night!

#EURO2024

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

19:54 - Turns on England game

20:06 - Turns off England game

Puts on ‘Songs Of Praise’ on Dave+1

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

I’m not saying it’s warm, but I’m sweating like me nan waiting for last number at bingo! #ItsWarm #UKweather #summer

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Cried myself to sleep last night. 2XL T-shirts now at at work. #DadBod

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

The people who complain when it’s to hot are the same people who complain when it’s to cold #getagrip

[Chris Shaw @Chris_Shaw81]

Four day warning for the UK. So does that mean it’s gonna piss down then! #BritishWeather