shaquille oatmeal

i’m a vegetarian and i ain’t fuckin’ scared of him

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i didn’t go to my DARE graduation when i was younger and that’s probably why i turned out this way

[Ghostface @GhostfaceTalks_]

me: can i get a ticket?
"for what movie?"
me at the window:

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

the only thing keeping me going when times are tough is the fact that Aly&AJ are playing at my job this year and i’ll get to hear the potential breakup song live.

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

my tiktok algorithm figured out that i want a pet snake and now it’s only a matter of time before i give in …

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

gorgeous gorgeous boys go to therapy

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i just want to be naked in a hot spring in the middle of the mountains

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

it’s an every day internal battle between knowing i need to work to make money and knowing what life is like living on the road

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

another year passed that i don’t have a neck tattoo … 🙄

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

saving $100 a week and telling my tattoo artist to schedule me at a random date and however much i have saved by then it how big of a piece i get

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

no one talks about how hard it is working in the service industry when you’re struggling with mental health and your boss says “leave your problems at the door”

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i thought my titties were supposed to grow with the pfizer vaccine ☹️

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

my motivation to go to work comes solely from the fact that i already have tattoo appointments scheduled that i need to pay for.

[tony ferraro @tony_ferraro7]

if we lockdown again i am skipping right past the learning new hobbies phase and going straight into the alcohol and drugs phase

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

YOUR MOM IS SO OLD she’s at an elevated risk for Covid and I hope she’s taking extra steps to ensure her safety during this frightening time

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i found a friend that also suggests to get a tattoo every time we drink .. should i marry her?

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

if i learned anything today it’s that quitting your jobs and pretending you don’t have responsibilities was waaay cooler than a 13 hour shift … ALSO that if i was a dino i’d be a plateosaurus bc they don’t eat meat and have tiny brains

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

bing bong, sup baby.

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i’ve officially made it to the creed side of tiktok and i hope i never leave

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

workings at a concert venue is the most financially responsible thing i have ever done

[shaquille oatmeal @ChrissyGreen]

i can’t wait for my next mental breakdown bc i’ve been waiting to get my stomach tattooed