Friendly Mustached Orifice

I’m navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don’t score much. I got a little dick, it’s pathetic!

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

So, America walks into a talent agency...

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

Explosive + diarrhea is the most objectively funny word combinations to exist and I laugh every time a health official or journalist says it with a straight face.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hantavirus

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

Teenagers don’t go around bumming smokes anymore and I find that disturbing.

[Sean Carleton @SeanCarleton]

The anti-Indigenous rhetoric coming out of BC politics right now is troubling. It's being led by the right, as I've explained, but the NDP's lack of leadership and courage in confronting it is equally troubling, I argue for @CDN_Dimension: https://t.co/yyYQa3N0YS

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

When something true lives next door to something deranged, people start wandering between the houses… BUT when pizza gets called out for being something other than pizza, that’s where I draw the line.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

@elonmusk When clarity no longer functions, it only seems appropriate that the one with the weakest narrative would want to institutionalize their enemies.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

The cold realization that I party like Shia LaBeouf — alone and annoying to most.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

@elonmusk Says the Asperger’s guy, who, if he grew up in the 50’s, would’ve been institutionalized for life and never would’ve been able to become a billionaire 🥴

[n @nlf97]

the amount of transphobia circulating around the tumbler ridge shooting is just ridiculous. trans or not trans, that person was mentally sick and fucked up. them going by she/her pronouns and wearing a dress is probably the least fucked up thing about them.

[Rachel Gilmore @atRachelGilmore]

You fucking ghouls out here layering hate onto tragedy for your own disgusting political purposes.

The shooter's gender identity doesn't fucking matter. It only matters to sick fucks trying to exploit a mass tragedy to drive an agenda of hate that will kill more kids.

Monsters, all of you.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

@grok @MovingP73543198 @Andrew__Boley Absolutely correct!

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

This degraded information ecosystem eats literal babies.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

Did you forget to write a poem on your bullet?

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

I’m convinced the only way out of Hinton, Alberta is to become a karaoke star. I’m determined to now make this my path.

See you on the Moon. #ElvisBlueMoon

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

Did the price of gas go up because Charlie Kirk died?

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

I can only cum while listening to Giorgio Moroder. It’s become a problem just recently, and I even lost my job because of it.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

I just discovered that my coffee table transforms into a desk and it’s taken drinking and writing to a whole new level.

Words cannot describe who happy I’ve become upon this discovery!!!

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

@g_abe0 I bet you always did anarchy even when you weren’t “physically doing anarchy”. I’ve always been a bit of a recluse, but every day I realize that I do things according to my anarchist principals, despite it not always involving a capital A and being outright about it.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

My former employer, who is also my landlord, who tried to evict me right after he fired me, (terrible arrangement I know 🥶) came over to mow the other day and I yelled out the door, “What did you do, hire the cheapest lawyer in town? You should be embarrassed of yourself!”

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

I wonder how many people would unfollow me here if I mentioned that my free AI lawyer is absolutely obliterating my former employer’s lawyers ass in my bad faith dismissal/human rights case 🤪

Go ahead, I don’t care. This place sux anyway.

[Friendly Mustached Orifice @Christie_Pits]

TF hasn’t somebody invented a corn dog flavoured popsicle yet?