Pastor Church Norris

Just an above average Pastor with a Kick of Awesome.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

My beard has 5 doctorates.
Only 1 of them is honorary.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

Someone told me they just don't "feel the music," so I roundhouse kicked a hymnal to put the song in their heart.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

If you put $1 into the offering plate and I put $1 into the offering plate, I have still put in more than you have.

[Anon Church Guy @MrChurchGuy]

I started making some jokes about "What if Chuck Norris was a preacher" and decided to make an account.

It's a fine balance between keeping with the nature of Chuck Norris jokes and not making ministry profane.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

@gumnos @MrChurchGuy I didn't sign up with Twitter, Twitter signed up with me.

[𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐞 @Brad_Cone]

This but unironically.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I found Waldo.
Then I baptized him.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

When I raise one hand during a baptism it's because I'm getting high fives from the angels.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I don't rely on any translations of the Bible.
I don't even use Hebrew or Greek.
I study the word of God in the original inspiration.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I rate limit Twitter.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I answered the phone this morning and it was a wrong number.
I'm baptizing their entire neighborhood.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I brought a full crowd to Christ simply by uttering the phrase, "Hypostatic Union."

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I can talk all day about how amazingly humble I am, and still be considered humble.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

Fed 5000 people at a spontaneous revival using 2 Chick-fil-A nuggets and 5 waffle fries.

On a Sunday.

All were saved.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

Did a call and response sermon.

Me: Repent!

Congregation: And we're ready to be baptized!

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I recited all the digits of π to the end.
Twice.
Today.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

Even atheists wish me a Merry Christmas before they cease to be atheists.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

I'd storm into Heaven with all of you, but we are already invited in.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

When I scare the Hell out of people I really scare them away from Hell.

[Pastor Church Norris @ChurchNorris]

After I finished my coffee order the baristas broke into an invitation hymn, everyone in the coffee shop was saved.