Kermit

Clam is back bitch: Reports of my demise were premature…

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Alright I’ll be the bad guy and say it…

No one cares about:

Your Strava Stats
Your silly marathon (be original bozo)
And last but not least Pilates

I get it be fit and I commend you. But we don’t care. Do something original you posers

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

I got drunk on NYE and my girlfriend is judging me guys

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

The sticker itself is true because I munch box ya feel me

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Waiting for the day my girlfriends dad comes over and sees the sticker @yungfishlips put on the mini fridge… it says I prefer eating out and it’s shaped like a cat

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Could be a controversial take but Pirates of the Caribbean is in my opinion the best movie series of all time

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

I guess I have no chance to be the one to provide Hailee Steinfeld with her first baby anymore

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Calvin Harris is fire

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Quit pointing at the glass bozo they speak English too

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Nothing worse than a bitch in front of you during prime lunchtime ordering 4 bowls at chipotle and doesn’t know what she’s talking about

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

@swaggyra31 You a bozo

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

She thinks she can just womensplain to us the idea of time zones??? No, shut up. We. Don’t. Care.

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Alright I need to get a couple tweets out tonight that I’ve been sitting on. Here is my thread of them.

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

And this random women goes, “iT’s bECaUsE tHEy’Re iN eAStErn eURoPe.” And let me tell you I was baffled. We knew that, you clown, we were wondering why the fuck are they playing a tennis match at 2AM. Stay the hell out of my conversation.

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

First, I was eating doing drinks with my friends the other night and tennis was on. Some European match. Couldn’t be clearer to anyone that it was in Europe. So we’re watching and we notice that it was two in the morning. I said why’s it two in the morning?

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

People are looking at the Daily Tabby and Muffy is listed in the obituary. RIP my pussy Muffy

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

RIP MUFFY BRO

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Push presents seem a little crazy… am I wrong?

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Grown ass man just told the chick fil a worker his name was Snoopy

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

Praying I get my dick wet tonight!

[Kermit @ClamIsBack]

RIP MY BOY MUFFY