Clare Hamer

I was once called "poor but sexy" and I will eventually put that on my tombstone

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Bro I’m terrified to ask this coworker if they wanna carpool...I feel very old and lame...but like I’m just out here tryna minimize my carbon footprint and shit

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

*my mom after seeing Ryan Jeffers at the State Fair*
“See moments like this are when I wish I had Twitter, then I could tweet ‘Hey @Ryan_Jeffers8 saw you at the fair, hope the Pronto Pup helps tonight!’”

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

@mlk_knappster From someone who does bridal makeup, do what makes you feel the prettiest and happiest. If this is what you wanted go with it!!!!!

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

bitcoin = life changed

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

*in meetings during opening rounds to make a fun work environment* “Hi I’m Clare and I like to chuck rocks at abandoned buildings and throw up when I’m excited”

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

I immediately need an official hand written note from Rihanna confirming if she is pregnant

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

My fitness goal is to be a buff enough person that teens are scared of me at the gym

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

My toxic trait is saying “long story short” after an hour of me telling you a story that easily could have been a sentence

[Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg]

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [email protected]

[Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg]

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Your in his DMs?? I’m his emergency contact

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Y’all don’t know pain till you open your door to trick or treaters and the kid sees your candy choice and goes “......oh”

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

If you need me today I’ll be crying in my office eating three honey crisp apples

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

You’re in his DMs?? Cute..he brags about my ankle mobility

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Blessed to wake up and not have to be in a freshman orientation group

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship with a man I adore but Megan’s new album has revived my belief that men shouldn’t be allowed to breath the same air as me

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

The update you’ve all been waiting for!!!! HE ASKED ME TO BE BY HIS SIDE AT HIS WEDDING!!!

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Bro I’m terrified to ask this coworker if they wanna carpool...I feel very old and lame...but like I’m just out here tryna minimize my carbon footprint and shit

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

I want to continue this thread...UPDATE: earlier this year he told me he bought a ring for his girlfriend and they just got engaged in December. The friendship is still alive and well!!!

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

I’m begging all colleges to up their toilet paper game...y’all are too expensive to be giving me one ply sandpaper

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

I hate minions so much this last week has been my living nightmare

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Worried is an understatement I’m terrified

[Clare Hamer @ClareHamer]

Out here eating toast in a towel with chickens screaming in the background living my best life