Clark Thornton, CFA

IBS survivor. 6’0.

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

@reggiepemberton Don’t

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

On my 3rd dump of the day. It’s 9:27am. I should not have eaten ice cream last night

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Happy Fathers Day

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

8:45am: hopped on the toilet

8:59am: flushed and washed my hands

9:01am: back on the toilet

9:18am: writing this tweet on the toilet still

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Heading to my girlfriend’s with a diarrhea brewing. Pray for her

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Want to throw my two sense in and say a 3.1 isn’t that bad

[Nate Kugler @nate_kugler]

After much thought and consideration, I have decided to enter the transfer portal as a redshirt Sophomore with 3 years of eligibility left. 

RHP | 6’1 | 210 | 3.1 Ivy GPA 

Cut ride 4 seam FB 90-92 T93
Sinker 88-91
Slider 82-83 
Sweeper 80-82
Changeup 80-83

50% breaking ball usage this last season. Can throw in any count and manipulate depth/sweep depending on what I want to tunnel off of and swing path. 

2026 season at Dartmouth (1st year post-TJ):
- All Ivy League Honorable Mention 
- Moved from bullpen to weekend starter 
- As a starter (7 GS): 3.68 ERA | .210 BAA | 1.15 WHIP | 26 K / 12 BB

The arm is 100% healthy.

Contact info in thread below

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Who needs therapy when you can rip The Curious Case of Penjamin Button and stare into Roku City

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

I swear I feel healthier when I drink more often

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

I’ve been wiping for 12 minutes. This is some bullshit

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

The girlfriend bailed on a sleepover so now I can watch the Celtics game in peace🙏🏻

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

I just farted on the toilet for 15 seconds and had to wipe for 6 minutes.

Who has it worse than me

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Most people wake up to alarms everyday. I wake up to my stomach bubbling and a sprint to the bathroom. We are not the same

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Jack Hughes is a national hero. Gets to go home to Tate McRae. Yeah fuck off man

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Valentine’s Day stats:

- 11 Guinness
- 4 soju shots
- 15 “the kids miss you” texts
- 0 responses
- 2 Imodium taken

We’ll get ‘em in 2027!

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

I never thought much of this guy, but the more I hear about him the more I feel like he’s a piece of shit

[FearBuck @FearedBuck]

Jeffrey Epstein tipped Instacart delivery drivers just $2 despite being nearly a billionaire.

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

I know my Valentine will be at Galway Hooker Bar tonight at approximately 10:52pm

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

The women in this Bad Bunny show are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen good lord man

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Worst part about living in a one bed is I just dropped major brown 30 mins ago and it’s been wafting in the living room since

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Just looked at the credit card damage from last night. See you guys in 2027

[Clark Thornton, CFA @ClarkThornton67]

Hungover, 12:00 CBB, DoorDash on the way, Royal Rumble in a couple hours, still don’t have a TV stand. Life is good