jimmy

welcome to jimmy buffet’s margaritaville

[jimmy @ClaylorSwift]

If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, I’m here

[phage @clubmoss_]

first thanksgiving cooking alone! anyway, phone is about to die. ttyl!

[richard @richard_normal]

you wanna come to the food truck festival? it’s going to dope. it’s in a parking lot with no shade or place to sit. yeah, and the lines are going to be ridiculous. yep, it’s going to be much worse food than your average restaurant. and the prices? WAY too high. should be fun.

[espnW @espnW]

Hokies women's basketball fans are DIFFERENT 🤘

(via @HokiesWBB)

[Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps]

State flags with boobs on them

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

wish there were a song that went like “coming out of my cage and i’m doing just fine”

[Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Esq. @ParikPatelCFA]

I am looking to hire people interested in making a million dollars a year. No, this is not a multilevel marketing scheme. We will be committing fraud.

[Dallas Zoo @DallasZoo]

This animal is an adult clouded leopard and weighs 25 lbs. Its habitat is a dense forest, and it is designed for life in the treetops. It is bigger than a house cat and smaller than most bobcats. If you think you see the animals, please do not approach the animal.

[Festive Owl @TheFestiveOwl]

BACKSTAGE GIVEAWAY — @Bonnaroo reveals 2023 lineup: @FooFighters, @KendrickLamar, @ODESZA + more.

ENTER NOW for a chance to win (2) VIP tickets + a sold out Area 931 Backstage camping pass. 👇

To enter:
1. Follow @TheFestiveOwl
2. RT this tweet

Bonus 👉 https://t.co/4CL6qC0wtX

[Timothy D Sands @VTSandsman]

Waking up to the tragedy at @UVA. #Hokies are here for you, #Hoos, this morning and forever.

[Cool Eric @OBiiieeee]

one time i told my dad Sonic the Hedgehog was gay and he ripped the oven door off

[Aries @Winterrr_]

I think y’all eat oysters for attention

[Ashton Pittman @ashtonpittman]

An airport employee stole a plane and circled Tupelo, Mississippi, this morning, threatening to crash into the Tupelo Walmart.

He is now flying erratically further north in NE Mississippi. This is his flight path so far:
https://t.co/nydR3apWt9

[Trill Withers @TylerIAm]

The hoes and I, taking turns mutually scaring each other

[James @CaucasianJames]

my health insurance company doesn’t know the things i’m willing to try on a bird scooter

[Sean Paul @duttypaul]

Leave di ladies alone and let ‘em get down in peace!!!

Show some respect 🙏🙏🙏

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

Run, don’t walk to the nearest arbys and abort your hunger while you still can.

Enjoy arbys

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Drive Slowly Alongside Woman Walking Home Alone At Night https://t.co/5IliZxlR2T

[Robby Kalland @RKalland]

2022 Kentucky Derby Results:
1. 🐎
2. 🐎
3. 🐎
4. 🐎
5. 🐎
6. 🐎
7. 🐎
8. 🐎
9. 🐎
10. 🐎
11. 🐎
12. 🐎
13. 🐎
14. 🐎
15. 🐎
16. 🐎
17. 🐎
18. 🐎
19. 🐎
20. 🐎

[jimmy @ClaylorSwift]

@AdamSchefter You’re a piece of shit Adam

[Virginia Tech Men's Basketball @HokiesMBB]

Took matters into our own hands and 𝙇𝙀𝙁𝙏 𝙉𝙊 𝘿𝙊𝙐𝘽𝙏 🦃🏆