Clean Joke Book

The unofficial X account celebrating the comedic genius of Bob Phillips. All jokes by Bob Phillips. This account isn't operated by Bob Phillips, it's a tribute.

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@elonmusk A man who had just been promoted to #VicePresident boasted of it so much to his wife that she finally said, "Vice presidents are a dime a dozen. Why, in the supermarket they even have a vice president of prunes!"

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

Art: How's #business?
Ted: Terrible. Even the people who never pay have stopped buying.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

First #husband: Does your #wife keep a messy home?

Second husband: Let's put it this way, when the toast pops out of the toaster, it takes an hour to find it.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@elonmusk One young woman at her first #baseball game said that she liked the pitcher the best "because he hit the bat every time."

Follow @clean_joke_book for more #CleanJokes!

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

The three R's of the #IRS: This is ours, that is ours, everything is ours.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@elonmusk Q: What do you need when you have an IRS auditor buried to his neck in concrete?
A: More concrete.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

This account is not managed or endorsed by Bob or anyone associated with him. It’s a tribute account.

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

The maestro, Bob Phillips. Bob's the author of more than a dozen books on humor, along with books on the serious side of life. He is the director of one of America's largest youth camping programs, Hume Lake #Christian Camps. Bob is also a licensed marriage counselor. #CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@Patriot_MAGA01 March is a very dangerous month in which to speculate in #stocks. The other months are April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January, and February.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

I never said all #democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was all saloonkeepers were democrats.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@iluminatibot #Russian economist: I went over to the #UnitedStates to study the death of #capitalism.
Russian leader: What are your conclusions?
Russian #economist: What a wonderful way to die.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

First husband: I carry a rabbit's foot in my pocket because it saves me a lot of #money.

Second husband: How's that?

First husband: Every time my wife sticks her hand in my pocket she think's it's a mouse.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

I took her for better or worse -- but she's much worse than I took her for.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

@elonmusk More #CleanJokes!

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

When the exploding gadget had subsided, the Martian went over to it and said, "With a cold like that, you ought to take some #aspirin and get into bed."

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

A Martian wandered from his spaceship in the desert into #LasVegas and arrived when one of the slot machines was spewing forth a bunch of nickels.

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

Keeping a secret from my #wife is like trying to sneak the dawn past a rooster.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

My #doctor is a very generous man. He gave me four months to live. When I told him that I didn't think I would be able to pay his bill before I died, he gave me another six months.

#CleanJokes

[Clean Joke Book @Clean_Joke_Book]

Wife: Did you notice how the #opera singer's voice filled the hall?
Husband: Yes. I also noticed a lot of people left to make room for it.

#CleanJokes