Parker Cleveland

I'm goin in.

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Things I have won:

A 19in TV by eating a 5 lb sandwich in 5 minutes

Several age groups in races in which my age group had fewer than 6 competitors- including a 50k

Gameweek 2 of Fantasy MLS

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@WilliamsBob75 Congress always says stuff about monopolies tho

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@phat7deuce @olive_york This website is wild dude https://t.co/eA7DsegkpH

[Alexi Lalas @AlexiLalas]

Congratulations @SacRepublicFC on reaching the US Open Cup final after beating SKC in penalties…including this masterpiece of beautiful arrogance. First non-MLS team to reach the final since 2008. 🇺🇸⚽️

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@AlexiLalas This you? https://t.co/Aw8uNHvhl6

[Alexi Lalas @AlexiLalas]

Huge night on the Monongahela River. A good ol’ fashioned #Cupset as USL @RiverhoundsSC beat MLS @ColumbusCrew 1-0 and advance to @opencup 1/4 finals. Magic.

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@watke_ a "revolutionary council of fans" would make the French Revolution look like a very civil game of duck, duck, goose, can you imagine who they'd fill an execution barge with?

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@herculezg @MLSPA @BobFoose The players are running around complaining about playing too much soccer

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@RobUsry @FelipeCar I agree, time to bring back Jurgen Damm

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@jerrysandersRTR @kelseytayorr 52 years and one day later Coach was up eating tape from his wedding night and prepping overhead slides to prep for the next matchup

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

I hope Haiti knocks England out https://t.co/gSQrJ6jUie

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Racheal Kundananji and Zambia might make waves this World Cup - previewing Group C https://t.co/nrmMSdDEfI

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

OK FINE, I’LL BUY A TRINITY RODMAN KIT https://t.co/BNtuD7IpbV

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Look, the USA winning would be great as a USMNT fan but as an Everton fan Demarai Gray bringing back silverware would be almost as good as not getting relegated https://t.co/BDdkhDe2y8

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

If this is one of the 300 free tweets you saw today, I’m sorry https://t.co/uekBNizr59

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Will Mexico try playing soccer tonight? https://t.co/qijElYuU0x

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Gonna be goals and fights today probably get in Gold Cup szn https://t.co/WhpupzlqVK

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Tim Weah reportedly set to join Juventus and Tyler Adams linked with Aston Villa https://t.co/bDrJgKv4SL

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Anyway, as I was rage tweeting, US Soccer is useless https://t.co/mGiuoz3272

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@Snaves look, yeah, and we're going to have to hear about needing more verticality and dominating in 1-0 losses for the next 3 years

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

PULISIC A CERO

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

@CBSSportsGolazo @clint_dempsey The US Soccer Federation serves no purpose, I don't even think it exists

[Parker Cleveland @Cleveland_FC]

Gregg Berhalter treating managing a soccer team like it's something to do at a TED Talk or to go to Davos for is the most American and useless thing I think could happen https://t.co/REl9yp3aVb