Paul Woolley

BSc (Hons), MSc, Marathon runner, Noted lothario, Pilot, Doctor and winner of "Compulsive Liar of the Year" competition.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@fesshole I ran one at my old workplace. If someone was on holiday they always forgot to put their stake in, so I would put it in for them and get the money when they came back.

...until the time I was off sick and discovered that they'd still done the lottery but no-one put in for me.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@anon_opin Pardon?

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@fesshole My Chalfonts were giving me grief
So Preparation H I did seek
Now I have no more piles
But plenty of smiles
'Cos my turds flow out like a treat!

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@anon_opin Some people go for a swim in the river in Paris. I think they're inseine.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@peter_levy How about calling the gritter "Paul Hudsalt"

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@Sir_H_Chiselton @anon_opin If you see this stuff in your work toilet, you're better off baking it until you get home.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

#catchphrase The catchphrases in the final game take far too long to appear when the contestant chooses a number!

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@othingstodo_com Ryuichi Sakamoto

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@KnightmareUK Cocaine? Oh, hang on.....

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@anon_opin It's the Turkish version of minge.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@TimNumb3rs @anon_opin A lot of the bands who were on Top of the Pops in the 80s and 90s were on top gear.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@anon_opin I've worked in a few pubs and restaurants. However bad things got front-of-house, I was always glad I wasn't working in the kitchen. Whenever I see people calling each other "Chef" it always reminds me of Vietnam Vets: "You don't know what it was like, you weren't there man!"

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@prodnose I wasn't around in 1966, but I've heard a few people say that we weren't the best team then either!

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@WarPath2pt0 When the producers were scouting for locations they came across a sign that said "Trespassers will be eaten"! It was Ross Kananga's alligator farm. He did the stunt, wearing crocodile shoes at Roger Moore's suggestion. It took 5 takes. The producers named the villain after him.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@fesshole I hope he doesn't come home early whilst you're doing it doggy-style, or you might be caught behind.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@TheFigen_ I'm guessing that the mother was running out of the way because her father was going to take a photo of their child with the wall of water behind it.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@peter_levy I've just seen the headline that you've been scammed, Peter. I'm guessing the details are that a young man has been turning up in your studio, pretending that he knows what the weather will be like tomorrow! 😂🤣

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@UnhingedVideo Never tell Greg Davies that you don't like Taskmaster.

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@peter_levy No comments on the news Peter, but I saw your friend Paul Hudson in Chesterfield on Saturday. I thought that was East Midland Today's territory?

[Paul Woolley @ClintWoolley]

@anon_opin It's like how you used to get the occasional KitKat where they'd not put the wafer in and it was just chocolate. I used to love those!