Radioactive Clit

Self proclaimed Worlds Best Dad / Part time DJ @MacaroniGrill

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Just took a shit on yo bitch face n she luh dat shit

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

If only there was a restaurant that delivered Sloppy Joes so late...

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

*cops chase burglar*
*burglar stops, puts on sombrero+Groucho glasses*
"Hola señors he went that way..tacos!"
"Ty, sir"
*cops run other way*

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

*2nd graders talking to eachother*
"What you have the pizza Lunchables?! Lucky!"
"Yeah maybe I'll give you a fruit snack if I'm feeling good

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

@OBiiieeee here d00d https://t.co/KoJOmGt6ge

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

*kid is making out with gf on bed*
*dad slowly opens door, wearing shutter shades and playing gangnam style*
"Dad stop this is the 10th time

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Gummy Vitamins got me zonin'

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

My wet dream feat. Bearnie Mac

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Baby's first dunk

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

"Hi, welcome to Ben and Jerry's! What flavor ice cream would you like?"
"Cherry Garcia"
*pulls out gun and shoots customer in the face*

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Pass the blunt to monster house

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

God is great, beer is good, and @reymysterio is a killing machine who should never be taken lightly as an opponent

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

"Blurrrredd linneess" Robin Thicke says as he drunkenly swerves in and out of highway lanes eventually going off a cliff onto death spikes

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

So that's why they call them Baked Cheetos. I just ate four and i think I'm higher than a mother f*cker!!!

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Bend it over girl, show me those car fax

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

She say she love you but das why me and yo girl at my crib splittin a can of Lays Stax™

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

"You're grounded until your room is clean"
"But-"
*Ninja turtles climb out of floor and beat/stab mom*
"Thanks guys! You're the best!!"

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

"Walk into the club like what u-, wait this isn't a club"
"Sir please leave this is a private funeral"
"I've got a big cock!!"
"Sir, leave"

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

*first day of school*
"Well, tell us something about yourself"
"I've seen 8 mile like 12 times"
*every cool kid in school flocks to him*

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

Someone make @Paula_Deen twerk on my face

[Radioactive Clit @ClitNips]

*parents leave kid with babysitter*
*babysitter asks kid what he wants to eat"
"YOU'RE NOT MY MOM"
"Wh-"
*kills babysitter & eats candy*