Conan's Beard

I'm not actually a beard, but I do have an AOL account. I don't know why.
[email protected]

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

I've survived to see the first show! #conanreturns

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

How can you build a city on rock and roll? Just curious.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Damnit, DJ, stop making me fall in love with people!

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Facebook is down? I need to post a status update about this. Oh, wait...

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

I'm watching "Invictus". Why is Matt Damon talking so weird?!

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Just bought a Ralph Lauren outfit, complete with large horse labels. Does this make me a douchebag? The answer is yes.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

A Kenneth the Page lookalike works at my gym. I think the universe is telling me to go work out there more often?

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

At the "Just For Laughs" festival in Montreal this week. I'd go see @deoncole, but I'd rather see Lewis Black scream at me.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Why is 'Omaha Mall' trending? I didn't even know Nebraska had people, let alone a mall.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Everyone give @Richter_Andy a warm welcome to Twitter!

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Congrats @conanobrien - 4 Emmy nods! Let's see if we can get #emmyforconan trending!

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

For your viewing pleasure: Jack McBrayer teaches us how to keep our bitches in line. http://bit.ly/up4f2

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Temperatures near 100 degrees hit the East Coast this week. Looks like I won't be going outside.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Happy 4th of July! I bought sparklers. The state of CT doesn't think I'm mentally sound enough to handle real fireworks.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

I wish I lived in a Star Trek movie. And that my name was Spock.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

Will an extra $10-20 million per year keep Lebron James in Cleveland? Would YOU stay in Cleveland for that much money?

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

The new Twilight movie makes $30mil in three hours. I wish I could make that much money being pale and biting people.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

What not to say to a woman: "Wow! When you talk, your third chin rolls over your second chin!"

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

I bought a Miley Cyrus song. I've listened to it 40 times so far. This is worse than my Twinkie addiction. Please help me.

[Conan's Beard @CoCosBeard]

If @ConanOBrien is adding a vuvuzela to the band, I want to be shaved off. They sound worse than Joan Rivers' voice.