My Thoughts

Things I Think

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@SSBehavior Sat by that ball girl a few games and she is without exception chill as fuck, from her crispy fielding skills right down to her monosyllabic, dead eyed responses to little kids begging for freebies. Absolute legend. We should be using her as a utility infielder in perpetuity

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@bigdogbarkins I'm sorry but there's no shot that thing you guys are all doing to conspicuously display your chosen consumer identity isn't a conspicuous display of consumer identity

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

Ok but these are all really great band names

[Like a Dirty French Novel @TVU1969]

You should essentially never be saying stuff like "Goyslop" "The raped" "foid/moid" and "phenotype" in my opinion, regardless of your beliefs

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

One mans heightening contradictions is another mans having a nervous breakdown on Twitter

[Ed Adrian @CounselorAdrian]

HORSESHOE THEORY and what can be done. A 🧵/1
Across the last century, actors on the political extremes have recurrently converged around anti-liberal, anti-pluralist, anti-institutional styles of politics, even while they remain divided over class, race, religion, nation, and the legitimate use of state power....

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@budgjori @gracecthdralprk I still think that this could be true

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

BREAKING: fake doctor who pays money to have bots agree with it on the world's most dead Internet theory website doesn't approve of getting neck and drinking booze

[First Doctor @FirstDoctor]

Alcohol has no single benefit. Zero. Not one.

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

The raw magnetism of a tubby, sleep deprived jew wheezing and retching immediately after lighting a cigarette

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

"you should take allergy shots" what if I like gutteraly snorting and feeling like I'm gonna throw up constantly

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

Ok what about Gertrude FRANKENstein

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

explaining to bank manager that loaning me $50bn is a foolproof investment, as I plan to use it all on a put option against the banks stock

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

She gugu on my mbatha til I raw

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

as a White Sox fan, taking this quiz, first getting the cubs, then taking it again out of pure pique and admitted ignorance of Girls and Taylor Swift, only to get the fucking Astros, I have to say this somewhat makes sense

[Tipping Pitches @tipping_pitches]

I have built a very scientific personality quiz to tell you what MLB team most closely aligns with your ~VIBE~

It is clearly Correct and Objective and you will almost certainly Like and Agree with the team that the quiz gives you. Thanks for playing!

https://t.co/1SexUJzWY7

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

Alas, poor yorick. I blew him well

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@notsludgetotem Solution: start fucking men

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@WinooskiNormal @ordinarytings

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@notsludgetotem The top of your head with a rolled up newspaper

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

Were onea bartender inclined to view most things as imbued with sinister portent, Americans drinking less in conjunction with bartending being one of the very few jobs irreplaceable by AI might qualify as being imbued with sinister portent

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

It's been a while since I checked in with Ed and it's nice to know he's begun posting like Marjorie Taylor Green

[Ed Adrian @CounselorAdrian]

Now the Burlington Progressive Party's inability to deal with the drug issues in Downtown #BTV is directly causing @CityMarketCoop to lay people off! Time to wake up! https://t.co/zjfvF0f8UW

[My Thoughts @CocktailHell]

@notsludgetotem Headline: Millennial Women, Driven by Desperation, Turn to Minecraft and Roblox in Place of Traditional Dating Apps