Colleen Cooper

My Mom says I’m very witty. -Clemson 2018 🐯 -recent Maryland transplant🌱

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Me at the pool this year after a successful winter of snacking:

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

I tried to talk about abortion after drinking this weekend and instead of my well thought out arguments it was a lot of “abortion is great! Wow Gotta say forced pregnancy sounds pretty rough!” And I dont think it was very effective

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Cancer screenings are so expensive. You’d think they’d give you a discount if it came back as precancerous because then at least the test was justified?? Anyway, my colon is an expensive bitch. Got my bill reduced by $3k though so we’re doing alright

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

This week my supervisor said “A 250 person wedding sounds like death.” And my smooth brain used that opportunity to segue to “speaking of death.. I have a funeral to go to so I’ll need to leave early on Friday”

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Nobody cares but the tank top I researched and pined over for months, only for it to be sold out when I was ready to buy? It came back in stock 😎

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Apple pie is a fall pie but it’s not a thanksgiving pie. Pumpkin pie is pure thanksgiving, no other time. I don’t like pecan pie but I think it transcends the boundaries and can be enjoyed on the big day or other fall days. Thank you for your time

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Teaching husband that many men follow sports and allow their emotions to be intertwined with the success of their fav teams and he was so confused “upset about something you literally can’t control?” Yes dear that’s how most of life is tbh

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Ok apparently the mandatory class doesn’t actually involve guns it’s just a 4 hour lecture about safety l. Which sounds very boring tbh.

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

I do actually find it a bit silly haha that in order to get a handgun license in Maryland you have to take a Beginner handgun safety class. But to take a handgun class you kinda need a handgun.. which you can’t have until you take the class lol

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Ok THIS! For a decade I was terrified to read this book because of this size. Then I bought a copy and it was so small I read it in like 2 days. I love being pretentious but this was too much

[Claire Hopple @clairehopple]

I adore this movie but The Bell Jar is only 240 pages

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

I’m flying to Florida by way of New Jersey which is equal parts hilarious and infuriating.

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

I have a note at the top of my Trello board that just says “I am 27.”
Most of the time it feels silly but then today while filling out paperwork it asked for my age and I panicked but I just looked up and saw the answer! Anyway the pandemic ruined my birthday awareness

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Shifted our bed time from 10:30 to 10 pm and I’ve been having such sweet dreams (last night I was serving tea and aspirin to a Tom Holland FBI agent who had a cold).
Yes I am an old old woman

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

I’ve never had a work from home job but I still understand peoples frustration with mandatory return to the office. Sometimes things don’t have to directly affect you in order for you to give a shit about the people that are affected🤷🏻‍♀️
But yes I am v envious of work from homies

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Finally had the brain blast for my new DnD character while listening to a podcast about corporate espionage in Formula 1. Inspiration can come from anywhere

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Today I got an Ad for ovulation test and husband got an Ad for condoms. They must think we are having a secret war re pregnancy

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Shared my letter of resignation with a friend and realized I misspelled the name of the company I quit. The level of disrespect…

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

She’s perfect and I don’t care that she doesn’t have a built in straw

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

Was tempted by a new water bottle this week but then I made eye contact with my beloved Nalgene of 8 years.. I could never leave her behind

[Colleen Cooper @ColleenCooper23]

6th (and a half) months of marriage date night over the weekend. The boy confirmed he finds marriage relationship better than dating relationship. I’m crushing it