ToofmanE

Pull up a face and sit a spell.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

The City of Memphis could thirty shot, seven impaled, eleven carjacked, eighteen castrated, and still no one in custody. I miss court for one traffic ticket and they rip me out of a class and fully disarmed that resembled Mad Max’s pat down pre-Thunderdome.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

Now I just sit and wonder about the pleasure that the girl at Chick-Fil-A is always telling me about.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

That evolved into me dreaming of finding a Redbox copy of “Nebraska” in the floorboard of one of my cars about six years overdue.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

I used to have dreams about forgetting to drop a class months after I dropped it.

[JM @juicyjoel]

@jaybirdsworld had a shitty couch, city garbage men wouldn’t take it, me and @Colonel901 lit it on fire

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

I already did, bitch

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

People probably spend two years in front of a mirror practicing what they’ll say to me if they ever run into me.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

“Okay, have a goot one”

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

Re: Do you suck the sickle cell right out of your brother with those crayonic soup coolers? I’ll call you if Crimestoppers is having a sale.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

“Um, um, your shoes like a caveman’s”

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

@kelly_english Somebody could tell Newk’s to give up trying to make their own honey mustard.

[FedExForum @FedExForum]

One day, two sellouts 🙌

Thank you to the over 35,000 fans who came to FedExForum to cheer on @Memphis_MBB & @memgrizz today! 🏀

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

Fuck-n@gga, I be in North Memphis more than you!

[Sudu @sudu_tv]

When you bring up Nashville around Memphians:

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

@eastmemphisslim Moments later, he ventured across the street to enjoy 50% off Lee Jeans.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

@tomhanks Just think about how great you would be remembered if you hung it up after "Big"'

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

@eastmemphisslim I dodged the draft by flashing a picture of me at the Elton John concert in 2013.

[Collierville Police Department @colliervillepd]

Congratulations to Officer Taryn Causey! She graduated from the Tennessee Law Enforcement Training Academy in Nashville today. Officer Causey completed 12 weeks of basic law enforcement training.

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

Putting my weight is 150 lbs on an order of protection confused me. Like, are you trying to flatter me or do you want me to stay the fuck away?

[ToofmanE @Colonel901]

It took a few minutes of yelling, but she finally got the hang of what "do milk" means.