Colonel Gadaffi

I am ruler of Libya- I live in tent with lady bodyguards and have bastard good time ...then bastard drug addict cockroaches come and cause bastard trouble..

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Bad news is that seventy virgins turn out not to be lovely ladies but instead are all four-eyed computer geeks and chess players Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel settling in well to new afterlife-have opened celestial falafel bar and I meet Chef Habibi and he help me with bar-Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Ok- have moved into afterlife housing and is not too bad- I share room with Saddam Hussein and we have crazy good time razzing Ronald Reagan

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Is not actually too bad up/down here. They say Thatcher she come very soon and John Simpson- when he come I still kick his puffball ass

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Have just bumped into Ronald Reagan- we had good laugh about old days then I realise he think I am lady called Judy

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Good news...there is very nice falafel bar in heaven- however it is much hotter here than I expected - Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Uh-oh..........

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel have falafel for lunch and then go to shoot some people- hey-ho

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

It make Colonel laugh that John Major got jiggy with old lady Edwina Currie- Colonel only play Mr Wobbly Hide Helmet with beautiful ladies

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel in big trouble in Sirte but very happy that Edwina Currie she get boot out of Strictly- she behave like old randy camel...Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel ring Queen of England- tell her that if I become ruler of Wales I will leave Libya- Queen tell me to "do one" - Queen is asshole.

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Dressed as beautiful lady- Colonel go shopping in Algiers yesterday-so many wonderful clothings- Colonel like young Osama in a dynamite shop

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

I urge all good Libyan peoples to rise up and fight imperialist cockroaches- Colonel busy right now but will definitely join you soon.....

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

There is cool big remote control plane flying over camp- Colonel love gadgets- am going out to get better look- Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel ring my friend Tony Blair from satellite phone to ask for help but bastard answer phone in lady voice and pretend he no him.

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel busy making big plan to take back all of Libya but only have two person who want to help Colonel- plan might be long-term. Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel living with bastard Bedouin on Algerian border- Colonel no like bedouin, they make rubbish falafel and smell like very old camel

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Colonel getting out of Sirte as fast as his smoothly waxed legs can take him- I am disguised as beautiful lady- Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

If Colonel catch pompous puff-ball John Simpson- I will make him into biggest falafel in history and then eat him with pickles- Bismillah

[Colonel Gadaffi @ColonelMGadaffi]

Tonight I make spicy falafel and sing very sad songs on my very little guitar- The Colonel is very good sad songwriter- Bismillah