Colten Evans

Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have the less shit you eat.

[Caleb Jenkins @cjenkins_z]

Crawfish and fentanyl

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Them: “wyd for Labor Day?”
Me: “shit, probably working.”

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@cjenkins_z Middle ground

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Thank you Grand Theft Auto for teaching me Roman numerals

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Me: “I finally got a day to sleep in”.
Also me: wakes up a 6:00 am for absolutely no reason**

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Y’all watch out. @CarreeElizabeth is at it again.

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@davidalanjoy This is some bullshit

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Anybody else hate it when @CarreeElizabeth goes out drinkin?

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@cjenkins_z Nice one

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Y’all ever just wake up and stumble in the bathroom like you just drank a 5th of tequila?

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Honestly at this point, I just wish Kanye would have won

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@richhommiechris Fuck yeah let’s go get a Big Mac

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

If only Joe Exotic would have ran for president his year

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

I like how people with squatted trucks are always saying some dumb shit like “SoRry bOut yA neCk” and “wHy yOu lOOkin”. Prolly cuz you got rims the size of a CAT D9 and more lights than the Nagasaki bomb. It’s kinda hard not to look at something that queer.🤷🏻‍♂️

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

Life’s like a bouncy ball: the harder they throw you down the harder you come back up

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@Dylan_Alex1 Not gayer than yours

[Colten Evans @ColtenEvans3]

@_meganbass_ I gotchu