Chris

Jokes & quotes. All jokes and quotes are the original thoughts of Chris

[Chris @comedianchris]

@glisteningmoon @DontFlop Where do I start? Doors at 1 first battle weren't until 3.30. Mics not working/fussy for Tony D & Soul, picking judges last minute. Amateurs

[Chris @comedianchris]

SCOUSER-What do ya call a bird with massive nostrils that you can stick your dick up and have sex?
COCKNEY-Fuck Knows?
SCOUSER-Exactly

[Chris @comedianchris]

Driving through west London with my slightly racist dad and he turns to me and says 'They should call this black city' #dadjokes #comedy

[Chris @comedianchris]

Birthdays are like blowjobs. They don't come around that often but when they do it's all about you and then its over in a flash. #quote

[Chris @comedianchris]

The western civilisation of insects are increasingly being terrorised by Islamic Mosqueitoes #joke #politics #worldissues #islam

[Chris @comedianchris]

Another decent night at the comedy school with @failinghuman learning the tricks of the trade. @billmurraypub @angelcomedy

[Chris @comedianchris]

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, is apparently enough to scare the shit out of Donald Trump 🚀😂 @realDonaldTrump @NASA #themanisscaredofstairs #usa

[Chris @comedianchris]

The microwave was invented in 1946. But before that the term microwave was used to describe a small persons greeting. #joke #funny

[Chris @comedianchris]

Commentating at Sandown races.
Watch “Check out my attempt at the @Betfair #commentarychallenge -S0047” on #Vimeo https://t.co/fYaXOt8PSp

[Chris @comedianchris]

The irony in politics is the right is wrong and the left is right. #politics #realtalk #JeremyCorbyn

[Chris @comedianchris]

I'm an outgoing person. High debts, low income. #joke #struggles

[Chris @comedianchris]

Girls call me 'The walking STUD'
Correction: STD #joke #funny

[Chris @comedianchris]

Tony Blair should be in Prison, not Politics! #nojoke #politics

[Chris @comedianchris]

I've been seeing this girl for 2 months, finally going to say hello tomorrow. #joke

[Chris @comedianchris]

Ebola? That died out.. #joke

[Chris @comedianchris]

You want a joke about taxidermy? Get stuffed! #funny #joke

[Chris @comedianchris]

There's this new workout. It's a combination of stretching and drinking coffee, called pilattes. #joke #funny #original @themiltonjones ??

[Chris @comedianchris]

Instead implementing that people stand without using there arms. It is to be renamed the mexican wall. #joke #funny #politics #trump

[Chris @comedianchris]

The future of sports crowd participation in the states looks bleak as Donald trump is set to ban the Mexican wave #politics #trump #clinton

[Chris @comedianchris]

When a music single stays at the top for 2 months, who are these people buying the song 8 weeks old?