Comedian TJ

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

If you see me at the Usher and Chris Brown concert and I look woozy, don’t assume I’m drunk…. I just donated a lot of plasma to be here

[Henny 🥃 Potter @He_DruNkAhH3ll]

I had just filled up my tank and the transmission started acting up. I was sick as a dog

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

My worst fear is filling up my tank & then getting into a car accident. If they total the car then they total the gas too... Nah open the tank, I need my $40

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

You can’t even get these bad kids coal for Christmas anymore cause they just gonna buy shisha and make a hookah later

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Black people are too welcoming to other cultures. The guy who invented Popeyes chicken was white, and even though he made the greatest chicken ever, I'm still not inviting him “to the cookout”… I'm going to his

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

I’ve seen a lot of people posting AI photos of themselves. I think they cancelled the show Catfish at the worst time… Somebody just hit their 3-year anniversary and met the AI parents.

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Hollywood lets Black people die first in horror movies because they know we’d solve the problem too fast... If the house was haunted, we’d just tell the neighbors to pack their shit and move. And there would be no movie.

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Never in my life did I think I’d wake up and see Nicki Minaj and Cardi B beefing on Twitter... And never in my life did I think I’d go to sleep, wake up, and still see them beefing on Twitter

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Be careful what you pray for. My homie asked God for discipline so he can work out every day and get in the best shape of his life…. Now he’s doing 10 years in prison

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Charlie Kirk, a father and activist, was assassinated in broad daylight in front of the entire world and it’s sad because nobody is talking about the Epstein files

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Do people really go 48hrs without deodorant?… A whole crime scene should not get solved before your next use

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

@DennisMcea3362 @Bstn_trumpstah He’s racist and dumb af and is covering his face for this reason 😂😂

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

My fiance changed the password on her phone to our anniversary so I couldn't go through it

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

If I see you posting your man’s arm for 6 weeks and you still haven’t shown him yet, I’m just gonna assume you’re dating Wizard Kelly

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Somebody asked me if I’d ever fly again after surviving a plane crash and I told them absolutely. It’s a one in a million chance you’ll get in a plane crash so if I already survived one, that makes my odds even lower…. Statistically, I’m invincible

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

If we’ve really been somewhere astounding like the moon, how come we’ve never been back?… The first time I had Popeyes I was there 3x’s times a week

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

Shout out to everybody who bet their kids college funds on the Chiefs last night, now your son gotta go to ICDC college with Little Romeo

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

I was today years old when I found out that women be shittin too… I thought yall just be in the bathroom for 30 mins practicing y’all arguments

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

I handed this bartender my ID but dropped it. When I bent down to grab it, my knees cracked… She didn’t even check it afterwards. She just gave me my margarita

[Comedian TJ @Comedian_TJ]

The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was gunned down, and people of all races and religions were outside celebrating… They might’ve been terrible at healthcare, but they sure did a damn good job at keeping people united