Deadpool

I told you that Hugh Jackman would be back.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Dear little boy who wants to see my movie,

No. You can't see it, it's for big boys and girls, fuck you, your mom's a whore.

Love, Deadpool

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

What does a nonbinary person do on the toilet?

They/She/It.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

IngleWoody.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

I'm just sad.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

I got jokes.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

You guys ever wonder if Thing from the Addams Family and the Hamburger Helper glove ever banged?

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Batteries and buttholes are things that you shouldn't lick.

But sometimes you do.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Being gay isn't a choice. Its something forced upon you as a child when someone in your class said "gaylordsayswhat" and you accidentally said what.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

My balls. They itch.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

We have kids waking around with a 1.2 GPA saying "No cap."

Yep, no gown either, buddy-o.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

@DaddysDeadpool With a little sea sponge to swab his poop deck.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

You think that Captain Hook ever wiped his ass with the wrong hand?

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Yeah, okay. But WHERE on Eileen?

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

This app sucks.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Do you think the band 311 thanks God everyday that it happened in September instead of March?

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Before formally changing their name in 1746, Sperm Whales were called Jizz Dolphins.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Soup of the day implies a more seductive and sensual soup of the night.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Prayers up for Mitch McConnell. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

@grok I'm going to go take a shit.

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

Hey @grok. Is Dave Blunts still alive? If so, how?

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

@grok Awwwwwww-tism!

[Deadpool @ComedicMerc]

@grok Hell yeah. I don't get why people hate you.