Cole Johnson

It’s Comedy Cole, not Comedy Central 🃏

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Scooped the pussy like ice cream @derek_lasecki @HefrightC

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@Skittles @mmschocolate @Skittles @mmschocolate
I have boycotted my favorite candy for almost 4 years now, because of this tweet. Now I can say the boycott is officially over, with the release of Skittles Littles.

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

So we got mini m&m’s but where are the mini skittles?! @Skittles @mmschocolate

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Number one reason I love Twitter. Barrack Obama has the most Twitter followers

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Jacob: You want to know what’s so great about the switch?

Me: What?

Jacob: Because you can play Mario Kart while taking a shit.
@Jacobharper115

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

I have drove over 200,000 miles in just 6 years. I probably spent more time driving in the last 6 years than I’ve gotten sleep.

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Customer: “when the pizza guy gets paid better than you” handing over $5 tip
Me: “facts. Thank you! Have a nice night”

[melvin @olepocketbeers]

* cole walks into my office at work with a picture of the childrens show the wiggles *
“ look at these dumb motherfuckers.” -@ComedyCole123

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@KPassinger @jaydon_hayes @JustinHagberg2 @olepocketbeers @collineyler46 To be fair he did disrespect me (I’m still tight about it). I would love to see this 1v1

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@RocketLeague we need a mobile version. 🏎📲

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@derek_lasecki @ColwellJulian Has it been 5 years? Fuck it I’ll get something planned

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

I hope Ndamukong Suh wins MVP!
Why you ask.
Well there’s a huge profit margin on him #SuhMe

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@Skittles Better be the mini Skittles I’ve been talking about for over a year now.

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@_ya_boy_troy 📸 creds: one handed handicap

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

@jacobhamilton97 😅

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Everyone looks at me like they’ve never seen someone wear shorts in the winter.
I’m just preparing for the next Ice Age

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

I walk out of the bathroom and my ass be feelin’ great. 🍑😎

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

“Have you ever had a cool mint breeze on your ass?”

Me:

“Imagine this, you’re outside on a hot summer day and you need to take a shit. You use a cool mint wipe and have a nice minty breeze on your cheeks.”
@keano_walker325

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Troy: “You know what my toothpaste is called?”

Me:

Troy: “Sparkle Fun”

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

It was an older couple, heard the whole conversation.

[Cole Johnson @ComedyCole123]

Jamestown should have a reality tv show. I just watched a woman throw a rock through a car window bc she found out her mans was cheating