Gary Thison

I write jokes and sometimes complete paragraphs.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@DAGToddBlanche @kayleighmcenany @SatAmericaFNC You are such an ass kissing joke.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

What's your favorite poop joke? Poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they're a solid number two. #RainDelayQuestions

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@SenTomCotton @SecRubio You failed to vet the unintelligent, unqualified, incompetent buffoon whose ass you kiss. Justifying pardoning the worst drug trafficker in US history on MTP? You're a clown. Proving it over and over.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Would you rather win a game two to one, or lose the game four to three so you can get free curly fries? #raindelayquestions

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I look forward to rain delays. You guys have fun! #raindelayquestions

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@kareemjeanjr @Sincere_Young_ @mitchbridgeguy @Saxinator1 @d4nny3333e @JvicyLA310 @Acyn Hakim is such a chicken shit he blocks direct responses. Seriously, you're that stupid? Everything is some sort of conspiracy to those who over estimate their own intelligence. You're hilarious.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@ofctimallen So sorry Tim.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Did you hear about the fan who jumped up on the stage swinging a chicken at Mick Jagger and Keith Richards? He was trying to kill two Stones with one bird. (Sorry I put you through that.) #jokes #dadjokes #puns

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Silly coin vanish. #Magic #magician #coinmagic #absurd

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Yesterday, I bought a giant package of napkins at Sam's Club. My new short-term goal: outlive my napkin supply. #comedy #humor #Jokes

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@DuckDuckGo I'm using photopea in your browser. Whenever I try to copy and paste anything, it says that I have to allow permissions. I can find that method NOWHERE! I don't really understand why that feature would be blocked.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Seeing @tomcotton on MTP, it's so clear that he has his head way up Trump's lying ass.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@ToddShaffer @Ayoola50247910 @cnnbrk Not the stupid lies that Trump tells. Last week he said he'd resolve the fentanyl crisis in a week. Shouldn't he share that info if he has it? He's a joke, speaking at a third grade level to uneducated white people, racists & anti semites. And they believe him, like most cults.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@ericarhodes I gave you 10 votes before I saw your set. No regrets.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@exarkunaguero @nevadanfor @KamalaHarris You cult followers are hilarious.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@martintetonwy @KamalaHarris Despite his claims to the contrary, Trump’s own former chief of staff John Kelly confirmed Trump called dead veterans “suckers” back in 2018.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@ericarhodes @AGT Great audition on @AGT. And being somewhat familiar with your material, even funnier is yet to come. You go!

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

@ericarhodes I played Paul Granger III in a production of "The Hot L Baltimore" many years ago. The entire first act I was asleep in a chair in the hotel lobby. I was brilliant.

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

I don't think Tim Scott realizes how idiotic he looks when he can't answer a simple yes or no question. @MeetThePress

[Gary Thison @ComedyGary]

Easy, fun magic tutorial. Learn how to stretch your thumb. #magic #magictutorials #learnmagictricks #sleightofhand