Comedy Tweeter

Tweets on this account became much less frequent once I discovered how much more lucrative Twitter spam is.

[Comedy Tweeter @ComedyTweeter]

@MattWilkas Google says you do improv in NY. With who? Have you ever done any standup?

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@thecomicscomic The News Quiz, the BBC radio show that predates Wait Wait by over 20 years, is getting a US pilot: http://t.co/cMHrXnAC

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The most amazing politician in the universe: http://t.co/W8vKRp8i

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Obama's uncle is clearly innocent, as he was busy having his photo taken in the year 1832 at the time: http://t.co/jIn9Ta5

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Why is the number of racist bones in people's bodies always zero? I think a lot of people have at least one or two little racist bones.

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Widespread destruction, homes found eerily deserted, tragedy in the streets. But no sign of rapture here in Detroit.

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"We The Peephole" is the perfect name for a DC strip club.

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So when do we find out William really wanted to marry Camilla?

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"I am a Lesbian, my father is a Lesbian, and his father before him was a Lesbian." —Man from Lesbos.

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Show us your symbols of female empowerment! #InternationalWomensDay #FatTuesday

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BREAKING: CBS set to announce Two and a Half Men will return this fall without Charlie Sheen, titled "Two Men."

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It's snowing in LA, but they don't know how to handle it. They're getting ice cream headaches from snorting it too fast.

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#Gaddafi has been giving hours-long lunatic speeches for years. We must liberate his translators. #Libya

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Public opinion of Silvio Berlusconi is falling sharply. In fact, I heard that Silvio's poll was plunging into the teens.

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St. Valentine was jailed, stoned and beheaded. Rightly so.

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16 year olds shouldn't have "Greatest Hits." #Bieber

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For sale by owner: One iron fist. Doesn't work anymore. #Mubarak #Jan25 #Egypt #Tahrir

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...Somebody started reigning it not knowing what it was, now they'll continue reigning it forever just because...

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This is the reign that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends...

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Hosni Mubarak pulls off a reverse LeBron press conference: They want him to go, he announces he'll stay, now they want him dead. #Jan25