Complaints from Paradise

I live in Paradise and it SUCKS and everybody here AGREES. I report news from our town and also my own GODFAM OPINIONS

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

“Your hair is ok,“ they said.
I said “DURST YOU DUNST DO IT, THENCE YOU DID IT, YOU DIGDAM FARMER HOES

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

I went to ask for a refund and they said no

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

The answer was simple. All the townsfolk scoff at me because of my hairdiddy. My hair looks like bits of shredded carrot that a vulture thought would be a nice addition to its nest, mixed with the regurgitated mice it feeds to its young, mixed with some mashed cheerios

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

I went to buy a jug of milk. I got another #scoff
Why is everyone scoffing at me, I asked myself?

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

Last night I met three angels at a bar and they scoffed at me

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

Frank the Barber (also known as Shitshow Frank [please call him this from now on]) gave ME, your prophet, a hairdiddy one would SCOFF AT. #thoushaltnotscoff #stopthebarber

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

I’m talking ALL OF YOU, YOU GODFAM BING BONGS

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

There are 4 fektards in paradise
1. you
2. you
3. you
4. I forgot

Oh wait
Oh yeah
Oh darling
#you

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

Can whoever invented #potato chips go back in time and uninvent

This is urgent

#stopthechips

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

Is yogurt just milk jello

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

I despise teatime.

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

Sorry I just keep forgetting how to finish my

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

I’m in love with a 🤔

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

LIFE IS LIKE
🤔

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

you know what? Life is like a box of um

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

you know what? go eat some cake

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

you know, I bought strawberries from a certain dinglewat named Dorothy today in the digglewiggle farmers market and you know what

They did not taste #likestrawberries

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

yeah we don’t know what‘s inside the box

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

life is like an unopened box of

[Complaints from Paradise @ComplaintsFrom]

STOP READING THIS RIGHT HERE are you still reading ARE YOU STILL what are you doing I SAID STOP why aren’t you stopping FINE keep reading I DON’T CARE do you think I care NO I NEVER CARED do you believe me YOU BETTER