TheConArtists

Trust me. I'm an expert.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

I shot an elephant in my pajamas. Oh, I see you confusion! No, he broke in to my house at night. An elephant would never fit in my pjs.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

A really cool project could use your help: http://t.co/kYOSClm5
Do it for a kid you know, or even just your inner child.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

I feel like being a plastic surgeon for dogs would be highly lucrative.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@bnystedt the person who described it as hilarious obviously has no idea what hilarious means.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

As to the genre of the play: one person says hilarious, while another insists it high drama. How should I feel?

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

I'm at a theatrical event with literally 32 seats. And only half of them have human asses in them. This does not bode well...

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

I just pissed my life savings away at http://t.co/BOi2lg55! And you can too!

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

Atom magazine will make all your wishes come true! http://t.co/Pc44sDZf! But it's like a tricky genie and the wish will ruin your life.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

My doctor told me about a new miracle cure all. Best part? It's free over at http://t.co/kiSW7wSB!

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

All the cool kids are talking about http://t.co/kiSW7wSB. Right, cool kids? Right, @atommag ?

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

I've got good news and bad new: bad new is that Santa is a lie, good news is that Atom Mag has a new issue at http://t.co/SKgO4Cgi!

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

www.atommag.net is live! it will teach you to make a disco ball that looks like the death star, prepare your last meal, and other crap!

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@LynnSerafinn thank you for letting me know! I changed it!

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

Looking for a "job". 100k salary minimum. Not looking to actually work hard. No experience, soft hand. Need to make my own hours. Thank you.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@ConArtists @bnystedt I've seen "Hoarders". Those have value.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@bnystedt ...gold, silver, crystal skulls, Texas tea, oil, dinosaurs (living or dead), missing links or even blood diamonds.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@bnystedt new get rich quick idea: let's dig a ton of holes in our parents properties. There are so many valuable things to find...

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

Did you hear about that new Roman diet all the celebs love? You can eat as much as you want as long as you vomit it all up! Patent pending.

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

@informarthur ugh.... Sunday morning bicycle puns....

[TheConArtists @ConArtists]

Biscotti; from the Italian words for "brick" and "torn up roof of my mouth".