Concerned Sir Guy

I'm the best friend you always knew you had but were too afraid to ask your pet unicorn where I live

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.

[Jeremy Eagle @iLikeCatShirts]

Wrecking your Vespa into a watermelon stand is the only real cure for a hangover.

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

I am beginning to think there is someone living in my house named Not Me because I'll ask all of my kids, Who's socks are these on the floor?" And they will all respond, "Not me"

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“OMG Dad, just Google it.”

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Me: please say hello to my little friend

Her: omg is that a tiny man in your shirt pocket

Me: yes. Say hello and stop being rude

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

It's like Dad used to say, "You're not my kid, get out of my yard. "

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Who do you recommend for jokes on Twitter?

P.S. Please don't say @BurgerKing

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Hey Siri, can AI generate me some friends?

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Sir, we have been very impressed with your sword skills and we would like to make you the manager of this Cracker Barrel

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Me after 2 beers

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Have you ever tried taking a selfie when you're on fire?

You should try it!

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

I hate to brag but I bent over earlier without making old man sounds

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Sir, please stop dancing. This is my mom's funeral

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

I remember when minimum wage was less than $5.00 and everyone died from bear attacks

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Reporter: I am live at Burger King and there is shit everywhere. Also, it smells like shit. Back to you in the studio Doug

[brent @murrman5]

"no rapping tonight"
why?
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
ok
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Welcome to Burger King, be ready to shit 2 minutes after you eat here

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

Went to @GoodwillIntl and was surprised to find absolute shit with insane price tags

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

The FDA authorizes public grinding in the fight against COVID-19

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

I heard some dude at the bait shop talking about "wildlife" and I was very suspicious he was talking about me

[Concerned Sir Guy @ConcernedSirGuy]

New Olympic event: piss in the snow