Constable Dooley

World’s First Official Internet Patrolman. Uniformed—if altogether uninformed—chronicler of history, society & celebrity. Bloody hell. It's Constable Dooley!

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Bloody hell, America. #HomeOfTheShame

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

#giuliani #turkey #pardoned

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

@martylennartz Wolf Alice. "White Horses." 🫡

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

If a beloved, blue-eyed soul singer can't escape the orange man's wrath, who can? #boltonindicted

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

@WalshFreedom Preach, Joe.

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Big-titted man-baby trantrums like no tomorrow. Bloody hell, America. #Chicago #Portland

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

As I Underhand It™, US Army Corporal Maxwell Klinger received not only a public rebuke from top brass yesterday, but also the Section 8 discharge he long desired. And so it goes.

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

As I Underhand It®, US troops are being deployed to protect "GWAR RAVAGED PORTLAND" or something. Bloody hell, America. #Portland

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

@Super70sSports Good advice, citizen. #STFU

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Good advice, methinks. #STFU

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Just in from the #Bushwood caddy yard.

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

@WalshFreedom Truth. Preach, Joe.

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Just in on the station house calisthenic tickler. #MakeAmericaHegsethAgain

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Artificially-Inseminated (AI) image of a young Alfredo Pacino on his nonni's farm in Sicily created without permission under the misdirection and police-keeping authority of Constable Dooley, Internet Patrolman®.

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Just in on the station house immunology tickler. #DeSantis #Meatball

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Studies indicate that watching #FoxNews leaves one more ill-informed than watching no news at all. Will the average stateside “moron”—if you’ll forgive us for saying—catch the meaning behind this cheeky shot across the social media bow? #whobloodyknows #whobloodycares

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

From the station house entertainment tickler comes news of the "Billy Elliot" sequel you didn't ask for (but bloody well may be what you need). As they say in the hills of Appalachia, Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Just in on the stateside news tickler: "The English teacher is marrying the bloody gym instructor." Bravo, Citizens Scholastica!

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

Before our official capacity policing the Internet, Yours Truly Dooley® was a uniformed foot soldier. Here we are, sans moustachio, fresh out of the Hendon Police Academy in London. Forever duty-bound. Righto!

[Constable Dooley @ConstableDooley]

#hungryheart