Alex Colucci

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

Why do people assume actors will be good liars?

Lying involves inventing a story under pressure that has to make sense.

Acting involves performing lines/creating a character that someone else has written.

They’re different skills.

[weasel @WeaselHandyMan]

thanks to @3YearLetterman for hosting the 4th of july usa 250 birthday #bash. i dockumented the funn with my panelsonic camcorder. we are the oldest & greatest & drunkest nation on earth, literally the only ones with july 4 on our calanders. nato and warmsaw packs are in shambles

[Haskel Causey @HaskelCausey]

@NoContextBrits

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

I am not being paid to advertise Times New Roman.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

Happy 250th 4th of July!

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

You didn’t succeed because you were wearing your unlucky socks. Wear your lucky socks next time.

[Mark Byers @DietrichMooller]

Fox: “Then I saw three hobbits sleeping outdoors under a tree. Three of them! I said to myself that there’s something mighty queer about this.”

Eagle: “Signs and portents”

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

My dad always used to say that he never saw pizza outside of Italian neighborhoods when he was growing up.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

What you need to understand about Boomers is that they grew up in a time when pizza was considered exotic, ethnic food.

[🕊️ @lichthauch]

Moses didn't get the promised land. he walked forty years for it, he lost his family for it, he stood in front of God for it, his face melted for it, and at the end God said you can see it from here but you're not going in. and he died on the mountain looking at it. God's favorite guy, the one who actually talked to him face to face, died in the desert looking at the thing he never got. now tell again how you deserved that promotion and God isn't answering your prayers. moses entire function was the walking, not the arriving. the forty years of shut up and move your feet when nobody believes you, including most mornings yourself. the promised land was always the desert. the desert is where he talks, the desert is where he needs you. and you hate that. i do too

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

New Jersey was a mistake.

[Benjamin Ryan @benryanwriter]

Don’t tell me about typos.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

The “Golden Age of SNL” is whenever you were the same age as most of the comics or younger.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

I AM AN IDIOT SANDWICH.

[Hayduke ⏹️ @GWHayduke97]

A quite moving plaque in the cloisters of England's Durham Cathedral:

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

Question: What is the best thing people learn from fairy tales?

Answer: That monsters can be defeated.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

Question: What is the worst thing people learn from fairy tales?

Answer: That monsters are always ugly.

[Alex Colucci @Cooch1980]

@minnano_dougaww I thought the Anaconda was bigger?