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Your cookies have achieved sentience.

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Final Claus!

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News : old women freeze in place in streets, ooze warm sugary syrup!

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'The cult of the cookie clicker: When is a game not a game?' http://t.co/PrytcXagZH

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News : cookies found to make nematodes less hungry!

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News : cookies found to cure blindness in blowfish!

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News : cookies found to increase lifespan in sea squirts!

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News : cookies found to make scorpions less hungry!

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News : locals report troups of bossy kittens meowing adorable orders at passerbys.

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News : cookies found to reverse aging in velvet worms!

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News : cookies found to make paramecia more pragmatic!

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News : cookies found to make porpoises tastier!

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News : retirement homes report "female residents slowly congealing in their seats"!

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News : cookie manufacturer downsizes, sells own grandmother!

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It has betrayed us, the filthy little thing.
grandma

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It thought we would go away by selling us. How quaint.
grandma

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It tried to get rid of us, the nasty little thing.
grandma

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I can smell your rotten cookies.
grandma

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News : cookies found to make slugs more handsome!