George Costanza

I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!! #seinfeld

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Yes, I like to feel cozy. I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality...It's fabulous.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Master of the house, doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

If you're a spirit and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

What's seventy-five bucks? What, am I seeing Sinatra in there?! Am I being entertained?

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

It just didn't work out. What can I do? I wanted to love her, I tried to love her. I couldn't. I kept looking at her face. I'd go "come on, love her. Love her!"

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

As she's saying this I'm thinking "great, the relationship's over, but the egg salad's on the way." So now I have a decision. Do I walk or do I eat?

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I told her I liked her. Why? Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. I like you, I don't tell you.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I love the mirror in that bathroom! I don't know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don't know if it's the tile or the lighting. I feel like Robert Wagner.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Don't you see? Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city. People like me have not been inside in thousands of years.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

On the left...exquisite marble! High ceilings and a flush like a jet engine!

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

But in the zoo, you know...they might put a woman in there with me to uh...you know, get me to mate.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I'm wearing a little hat, I'm jumping through fire, they're putting their little alien heads in my mouth.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I'm not through here, Jerry. I'm going to keep on investigating. This thing is like an onion. The more layers you peel, the more it stinks.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I once told a woman that I really enjoy spending time with my family.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

Elaine, I once told a woman that I coined the phrase, "pardon my french."

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I want to bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like it's an apple.

[George Costanza @CostanzaQuotes]

I wanna go to a tractor pull.