George Costanza

I am a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man. Also known as Costanza, lord of the idiots

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

Best songs on #Lemonade:

1. "ALL"
2. "OF"
3. "THEM"

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

#MTVStars #OneDirection Serenity .. Serenity now!

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

“I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.”
--Joan Rivers.
We will miss you :(
#RIPJoanRivers

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

I was fired from my job at the sperm bank.

They didn't like me saying "get a load of this guy" everytime someone walked in.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

Forgiving someone is easy, being able to trust them again is a totally different story. Especially when they were an asshole.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

can i nominate u for the boiling water challenge #IceBucketChallenge

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

That Awkward moment when The Governor meets Merle and Andrea in the afterlife.#TheWalkingDead

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

I hate when guys call girls hoes for having sex. Correct me if l'm wrong but l'm sure your mother didn't create you by drawing.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

When my fridge is empty so is my heart

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

I believe in hate at first sight.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

i woke up on the wrong side of life today

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

ctrl alt delete my fat

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

Bitches Be Hannah Montana In Front There Parents..

.. But Miley Cyrus In Bed!

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

Using y = mx + b to measure the slope of that ass

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

I'm pregnant again!! It must be something in the air! Me: Yeah....your legs.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

maybe she's born with it maybe its an Instagram filter

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. But if a guy does it...he's gay. Definately gay.

[George Costanza @Costanzasays]

I fuck way too good to be single